Damaged
by bobdabuilder0804
Summary: COMPLETE Sequal to DEFEATED, which is the sequal to DEFEAT! Jacks back home, but still has issues to deal with. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Takes place 2 months after Defeated.

Kim pranced down the stairs with a foolish grin on her face, she'd been wearing it all day. Chase put it down to her fathers return from the hospital, for good, as long as no more complications arose. Only Jack had been home close to three weeks. He shrugged and assumed she was exceptionally happy today. Grabbing his bag he shouted a 'see you,' which echoed around the house, waited a few seconds for the varied responses and then left.

Although Chase and Kim had been living together for close to a year, since Jacks initial return from China he had moved into a small apartment a few blocks away. He didn't mind, he understood and agreed with Kim as soon as she had suggested it. They both knew that once Jack was released from the medical centre he would not be able to take care of himself. Kim wanted him to stay with her, and Chase agreed it was for the best. They both thought that he wouldn't stay if Chase were there too, for a number of reasons. Fear of imposing himself on them, feelings of discomfort and embarrassment of his condition.

Chase had left before he was first brought home, although it wasn't exactly necessary. Jack had been out of it more than he was aware, and had refused to see anybody other than Kim anyway. Chase had moved back in when Jack agreed to stay in the hospital for therapy after the final surgery. He'd left again a few days before Jacks scheduled return, not wanting to make the man feel uncomfortable. He had enough to deal with without some minor problems like this.

He missed Kim but saw her more often than not. It seemed that Jack hadn't even noticed, he'd only seen him a handful of times since he was brought home. Given the pain he was in from the therapy, it made sense that he hadn't wondered if Chase was staying here or not. There were more important things to think about, and Chase understood this without complaint.

At first he stayed away, again for Jack. The man hadn't allowed any visitors other than Kim, and then Heller, later in his recovery. Chase feared imposing himself where he wasn't welcome, although Jack had been calm and polite enough when he had popped his head in the doorframe to check on him. Only the small visits didn't happen often, Chase sensed more than anything it was the last thing he wanted.

He and Tony had discussed this at work, the former also feeling disappointed and hurt because of Jacks refusals. They both subconsciously knew Jack would feel embarrassed and perhaps inferior in there presence given his much publicised confession and weak condition. Neither voiced there feelings, knowing it was easier for themselves to feel unwanted. Admitting the real reasons for his refusal would be an admission of what he had suffered through, territory neither man wished to cross unless it were to help Jack.

Jack had been declared fit enough to return home where he would continue the physical therapy, which was aimed mostly at his leg. To clinch the deal Jack had to agree to allow Sarah to continue his medical care, at times it seemed she was in there home more than Chase was.

Chase had called in to see Kim daily, as he did Angela who was stationed with her Grandma, a 20 minute drive away. It had been her choice, when Chase admitted the television in the apartment didn't get the Disney Channel, she had chosen her Grandma. She didn't want to stay at home with Kim because she would have to be well behaved and quiet. He knew it would only last a few more days before she came home with him, but for now Grandma was much more fun.

Kim admitted to Chase that although her father was doing better, he was still in bad shape. Physically he had progressed greatly, but that was the problem - he only cared about the physical side. Mentally he wouldn't speak about China to anybody. Heller had managed to pry him open slightly, and Palmer had helped too. But it seemed that he would only confess the truth to them. When Kim had asked him about it he had he clammed up. He even tensed at the mention of Heller or Palmer, in fear of them disclosing the information he had given them. Of course he trusted them immensely, but he was still to weak to fight the paranoia he was sometimes fully submerged in.

Kim tried to ignore her worried thoughts of his mental stability, pleased to hear him arguing with Sarah about the amount of work she wanted him to complete. She smiled to herself, having him here made her feel better about whole situation. She didn't know what would happen after her father had recovered, but she didn't want to dwell on uncertainty.

Although his leg treatment was progressing well she couldn't deny that at times she wondered if he would ever be well enough to go back to normalcy. Physical recuperation, then mental - what happened after that seemed like a life time away. Even Heller had tried to reassure her about his future as though he sensed her unease. His words made her feel better as did Sarah's presence, she couldn't explain the sense of foreboding she felt which always seemed to be looming ahead of her thoughts when they concerned Jack.


	2. Chapter 2

It was almost lunch time, Sarah and Jack had been working for over two hours. Jack was exhausted, but tried to hide it. Sarah was worried but knew not to tell him in those words, it would only frustrate him more.

"You know," she said matter-of-factly as she watched Jack wince in pain, "I think I may have been misled by your friends."

"What do you mean," Jack grunted, still laid on the mat on the floor, wanting to do another set of exercises.

"I was painted the image of a very smart man, thought you were quite the intellectual. Now I'm thinking you're just plain damn stupid."

Rolling his eyes Jack slowly lowered his leg to the floor and pushed himself into a sitting position, leaning against the bed. He closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to catch his breath. He was angered by the fact that such a simple task could be so tiring, he would never get back into shape. As he spoke he wiped the sweat from his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Is it a crime to want to get better?"

"No but some would argue that self harm is a crime." Without realising it she had hit a nerve, a very deep and painful nerve.

"I wouldn't say I had a hand in what happened to my foot," he snapped, "in fact," he added, even louder, "I'd say me entire condition was out of my God damn hands."

Quieter now, Sarah spoke again. She refused to apologise, knowing that it would not help him. She had to be firm otherwise he could hurt himself. "Jack do you remember when we brought you back to America?"

"What's that got to do with anything," he growled.

"Do you remember? When you first woke up and were cohesive?"

"Yes," he admitted quietly, his eyes fell closed once more.

"The first thing you thought about was your foot, right?"

Jack shook his head in agreement.

"I was there Jack, I saw you and how worried you were. When we helped you up and you were able to see it was still there at all, you were almost drowning in relief. If you keep doing this to yourself you're going to lose your ability to function it, and possibly damage it even more. Is that what you want?"

"You know its not," he said softly, angry at himself and everything else, his head was a mess.

"I know how much you want this to get better, but take it easy. Your doing better physically, almost all your wounds have healed perfectly, even your ribs are fine and you know how much trouble they were causing the doctors," she chuckled. "The cuts and bruises are gone, even the scarring is minimal and we both know how lucky you were with that."

Again Jack nodded, remembering how unlucky he had bee with the first bout of torture he had endured, the burns still marked his skin, over two years later.

"We even sorted your knee out for Gods sake! You know how pessimistic the specialist was about recovering the knee cap, he wanted to take it out! But he took the risk and it worked out perfectly, movements back up to 100 and, quoting yourself, the pain is bearable. Few weeks tops and it will be gone."

She paused hoping Jack would say anything, show some sign that her encouragement was working but he stayed silent.

"Jack this foot is all that's holding you back. I understand that its getting you down and I will do all I can to help you, but if you push it you will damage your chances of walking unassisted again. That's not what we want. If we slow it down, you'll be moving about easier, in no time."

Jack looked up at her, his eyes slightly red.

"I'm sorry for being so bad tempered."

"Hey! Don't apologise for anything. Your emotions are all over the place - its natural. Once we do more work your foot will feel better, and so will your mood. Just take it slow."

"Do you really think I'll regain all function, like with my knee?"

"There's no true answer to that," she said softly, not daring to lie to him.

Jack set about pulling himself up from the mat, and then hopped on his good leg painfully slowly over to the chair with the help of one of the crutches. Sarah knew her help was not wanted, but she took his use of the crutch as a sign that he had accepted her pleas and smiled.

"I hope so," she added, feeling sorry for him.

"Me too," he muttered, dropping the crutch to the floor with a defiant clatter.


	3. Chapter 3

Sitting up in bed Jack dropped a green tennis ball from one hand into the other continuously, staring at the wall, his face devoid of emotion. He was tired but wouldn't sleep. Since his return home, after the surgeries and before the therapy had began, he'd slept through the day and night. Soon enough he'd began to get his strength up and could make it through the day with an hours nap after the workouts Sarah put him through. He didn't like it and hoped somehow staying up throughout the entire day would somehow help his recovery or at least his resolve.

Sighing he began to squeeze the ball in his right hand, then his left. It was a technique Sarah had started him on when he'd returned home. The leg had still been too tender to work on, and his ribs and other injuries weren't completely healed over. She gave him the ball to help exercise the bruised hand and rebuild its strength. It also kept him occupied, Sarah had been pleased she had thought of such a simple thing which had been so effective.

Squeezing the ball tightly Jack thought back to his first week home, how hard this simple task alone had been. But now it was easy, and it had been a couple of weeks at the most, only it seemed so far away. He knew he's recovered tremendously since then, his body had still been sore and bruised, stitches had still been in place here and there, and they had continued to feed him through that damn drip. Now, now he could move without pain if he didn't include his leg. The bruises had faded, the stitches were out, small discreet scars in there place. In truth, he had healed. They weren't worrying about his weight anymore, weren't taking blood samples from him every few hours to test - he had progressed.

So why was he so down? He knew that part of it was due to his weakness, his lack of strength and energy. Sarah had told him this was normal, that his body had become accustomed to its injuries, now it would have to get reacquainted with its previous self as he slowly worked his way back to his old level of fitness. It made sense, what she told him, and he himself didn't expect to be running around anytime soon, despite his need to do so.

"Recovery takes time," she had said, and he had accepted it, eventually.

So why did he feel like he could burst into tears at any moment? Tossing the ball into his other hand he began to roll it down his stomach as he laid back, now looking up at the ceiling. His knee ached but that was fine, his leg, well, he still couldn't feel too much due to the restriction of the cast, but he was sure that wasn't the reason for his mood, the progression of his leg lifted him if anything.

Letting out a deep breath he thought back to his last conversation with Heller. The debrief had been complete and Heller hadn't brought its contents up again, which Jack was grateful for. He did however, keep pushing for Jack to see Palmer, and like a coward, Jack continued to make feeble excuses. Why couldn't he admit that he was scared? He didn't want to see the man he had betrayed, given up for himself, a man he was sworn to protect.

Heller had told him he would feel better if he talked to somebody about what he had endured. Jack had grown tense and Heller had rephrased his wording, that he should talk to anybody about it. Kim, Tony, even the wall if he had to. Heller had made it clear that he was available if Jack ever wanted to speak to him, but he knew it would never happen. Heller, like Palmer, represented everything he had once fought for, the reason for his demise, and the shell of a man he now was.

A strong breeze flew in from the open window and Jack turned his head to look outside. It was a warm day, the sun was out, the garden green. Closing his eyes Jack smiled as the breeze caressed his skin. He never thought he'd get to feel this again when he was in China. Breathing deeply he drifted away feeling grateful for his rescue, even if he had given up a man he respected. Loosing consciousness the tennis ball dropping from his hands and rolled across the floor with a soft thud.


	4. Chapter 4

Kim's face lit up as Jack hobbled through the door Sarah held open, and back into the house. After they had taken the cast off they had kept him in overnight for testing, before letting Sarah take him home. He had briefly seen his foot, before the nurses had began their work of bandaging the limb up heavily. Leaning back in the hospital bed Jack was surprised to find himself watching his foot feeling strangely detached. He had expected to be disgusted at the sight, it looked as gruesome from the scars as he had imagined, but it didn't bother him. Instead he found himself marvelling down at how pale and thin his leg was compared to the other, having been restricted of all use because of the injuries inflicted on his foot and knee.

Sarah had been hovering by his side and watched him as he had studied it. He himself had been relieved when he realised he wasn't struck by the scars. He really didn't care, he would be able to walk again thanks to those scars, which symbolised the surgeries he had undergone to reconstruct the damaged bone. He saw the scars as a sign of recovery, they illustrated how close he had been to losing this limb, to becoming a cripple. He had sank back into the deep pillows and rested his hand over Sarah's as he closed his eyes, allowing the two nurses to begin there work.

"What's the verdict?" Sarah asked boldly, she knew from the relieved, almost grateful expression on the mans face that he wasn't upset by the scars.

A soft smile had filtered over Jacks face as he had slowly drifted to sleep. He had been given morphine in advance in case the touch had still caused pain. Rehabilitating the limb, he had been forewarned, would be painful, and so he had accepted the drugs knowing this was the last time he would take them. From here on, he would be free of the pain relief, he would be taught how to manage it instead.

"Its perfect," he said deeply, before letting out a soft chuckle and gripping her hand a little tighter. Sarah smiled, rubbing his arm as he slowly fell asleep.

Sarah's grin matched Kim's as he slowly made his way into the house, resting heavily on the crutches, not allowing any weight to fall onto his foot, it wasn't ready for that yet.

Jack smiled at their enthusiasm, it was infectious, he couldn't deny the pleasure he felt as he followed his daughter into the living room. Collapsing into an armchair Kim pulled out the cushioned footstool she had brought in advance. Sarah helped Jack carefully lift his foot, but he took the weight on his own and was clearly pleased with himself.

"You have some visitors," Kim said smiling as Chase strode into the room, Angela in her arms.

Jack visibly stiffened but hid it well, cheerfully greeting Chase and the child. Sitting down next to Jack Chase quizzed him on his physical therapy regime and the pain, making comparisons with the similarities and different regimes Chase himself had to complete while working on his arm. Although Jack found the conversation interesting he was soon tired, and Chase took it as his turn to leave.

"Thanks for stopping by Chase," Jack said, respect in his voice. He was thankful the man hadn't asked anything abut China or the government, those were subjects he wasn't strong enough to think about.

"Bye bye Kim," Angela yelled, "and its back to Grandmas!"

Kim laughed and walked Chase to the door, Sarah had left for the day earlier and so Jack was alone. When Kim returned to the living room he was clearly irritated.

"What did Angela mean?"

Kim instantly knew what he was referring to, and the tone of his voice suggested she tell the truth.

"She's been staying with Chases mother."

"Why isn't she living with Chase?" He asked instantly, confused, it wasn't like Chase, he thought the world of his daughter.

"Well, the apartment Chase is staying in is a little bare and Chase thought it better she stay with his mom."

Jack looked down at his hands in silence as his thoughts stirred, until finally, he understood. "You were living together?"

It was a question, not an accusation, and Kim was pleased that his concern didn't seem to be focused on her living with a man.

"Yes."

"And he moved out, because of me," he asked slowly, trying to understand.

"Yes."

"Why?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"We thought it best. You had been through so much when we got you here, I thought you would prefer to be alone."

"And kick the man out of his home!" Jack exclaimed, sitting forward, unable to get to his feet without the crutches.

"Dad its not like that, we wanted to make you as comfortable as possible, we thought this would help."

The rage died down instantly. "I'm sorry, I've caused you a lot of trouble haven't I?" He poke softly, it hurt to hear him sound so cautious and self conscious.

"No, not at all, don't be silly dad," Kim said, getting worried.

"Now my legs sorted I can leave, I can get a place were there's-"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Kim cut in. "I don't want you to leave, and even if I did, you're still not well enough."

The debate died down again, Jack knew she was right. "Tell him to come home. He shouldn't move out because of me. The little girl shouldn't have to live elsewhere because of some stranger," he said, almost bitterly, almost Kim thought, but not quite.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," Jack said, smiling again as Kim instantly cheered.

"I'll go call him right now," she said with excitement.

Once alone Jack closed his eyes again as he tapped the arm of the chair he occupied. He couldn't understand why they would think he wouldn't want to see Chase. The more he thought about it, the more upset he felt, it didn't make sense. Unless, Jack thought, unless Chase was so ashamed of his confession that he had left. He pondered the thought, wondering if Chase would come home, live with a man who had sold out his country. He said he loved Kim, could he do that for her, live in the same house of a traitor?


	5. Chapter 5

"What's wrong?" Sarah sat down next to Jack on the bed, arms crossed over her chest, he knew she wasn't going to leave until she got an answer. Still, he tried to weasel out of it.

"What do you mean," he said, placing a fake smile on his face.

"Don't try that crap with me!" She scolded, and Jack was suddenly annoyed.

"Nothings wrong," he stated, gently swinging his legs too and fro through the air, continuing the warm up even though Sarah now other plans.

"You are starting to irritate me," she said playfully, searching Jacks face for any hint of a smile.

"You're not paid to like me," he snapped, almost bitterly.

Getting up she crossed over to the window and stared out of it, twisting a strand of her dark hair around a finger as she thought about Jacks response. This wasn't like his ordinary mood swings, this had been developing for the past five days, slowly growing in strength like a storm getting stronger and there way to stop it.

Turning back around to face him she decided to be blunt. "What is it? Have I upset you? Heller? Kim, Chase or Angie?"

"No," he snapped, clenching a fist, "and its none of your God damned business anyway," he added, staring at her coldly, his face growing redder as he watched Sarah's reactions. She didn't flinch, she wasn't intimidated by him. It worsened his mood.

"Can we please just get to work?" He asked, softening a little, but not much.

It was no atmosphere to work in.

"Not until you tell me what's on your mind," she dared, taking another step towards him.

"Why are you so nosey," Jack said, raising his voice again, his words clipped.

"Fine. If you want to throw a tantrum like a toddler, we'll leave it for today."

"What?"

"I'm not working in these conditions. I'll be back tomorrow and we will try again. See if you can change you're attitude."

As she started towards the door Jack started to panic. "But you said we can't waste time with my foot, this is the best time to work on it with is still being fresh from the cast!"

"So?" She said, keeping her game face on. She knew he would see through her façade in better health but his mood was foul and his desperation for his foot clouding his vision. "That's not my problem, I can walk out of here just fine. You on the other hand," she said, almost cruelly, her insides twisting at her words, "may struggle."

She turned and continued on to the door. "Wait? Sarah!"

She stopped in the doorframe, she could see the need in his eyes and hear the plead in his voice. "I'm sorry for being bad tempered with you," he said softly, "can we please just start over for today?"

She paused a moment, trying to look as though she was considering her options.

"That depends," she said seriously.

"On what?" He spat back, his temper quickly rising once more; he wouldn't allow her to play around with him.

"If you will look past your innate stubbornness and talk to me."

He glanced down at the floor, he knew where she was going with this. It was time to play dumb again. "What do you wanna talk about?" He asked casually, but Sarah wasn't playing, she was quickly getting fed up.

"If we're gonna talk in circles all day, I really should leave Jack, because its going to get us nowhere."

He looked up at her and then quickly away as she sat besides him once more, her hand tentatively resting on his.

"Kim's been talking to me. She said you've suddenly withdrew from her, barely muttered a word to Chase, and been hiding from his daughter."

"I have not been hiding," he said defensively. He paused and felt a small smile grow on his face as he saw the amusement in Sarah's eyes. "Okay maybe I've been avoiding her a little…"

"Why, don't you like her?"

His head shot up, surprised. "No, is that what they think? Why wouldn't I like her, she's a child for God's sake, how could I not like her?"

"Well the avoidance is a little suspicious," she probed, humour in her voice.

"I've been avoiding Kim and Chase too, only its harder to keep away from them, that's all."

"Oh, that's all," Sarah mimicked, still amused with his explanation. "So you've gone to all of this trouble to stay out of their way, is there a reason for this anti-sociable behaviour," she asked, sarcasm in her voice.

"Maybe," he muttered.

"That's not really a concrete answer," she said prodding him in the side again, playfully.

Looking up at her mischievously Jack suddenly smirked. "Well I'm afraid a 'maybe' is all you're going to get until the session is over. Then I'll tell you more…"

Sarah laughed, they were trading here, only Jack was the winner in both events, so how could she refuse? Jack laughed too, knowing the ball was in his court. Sarah held her hand out and Jack shook it, it felt soft and smooth in his but he quickly shoved the thought out of mind. As though sensing his discomfort Sarah grinned, "you got yourself a deal Bauer!"

* * *

Thanks to the reviewers, I really appreciateyou taking the time to let me know you are reading:) 


	6. Chapter 6

After they finished the session Jack staggered over to the cushioned chair in the corner of the room and sank into it tiredly. "That was good," he gasped, out of breath as he rubbed at his face with a towel. Sarah grinned as she rolled up the mats, before grabbing the crutch from the bed where Jack had left it when the session had begun.

"Hey," she said , her tone semi-stern as she waved the crutch in the air, "you might be feeling better but don't you dare try and get about on your own," she lectured as she passed him the item, "we both know it will set you back, and then I'll be annoyed and you will be grumpy, so lets not even go there," she said, giving in and laughing when she saw the curious smirk on Jacks face.

"Sure," he answered, and Sarah was instantly suspicious by his sudden ability to be co-operative.

"Not that I don't trust you Jack," she said light heartedly, "but I'm going to have a word with your family anyway; that way I know for certain you will continue to use it when I'm not around."

Jack rolled his eyes, "thanks for the vote of confidence," he said in a squeaky voice, mimicking her.

" Anyway, enough about business," she said, crossing her arms over her chest subconsciously as she started, unknowingly preparing herself for the battle which would come. Jack noticed and it made him smile knowingly. "I came up on my side of the deal, now its your turn."

"Can I take a shower first?" He asked innocently.

"No! I already waited two hours, I wanna talk now Jack," she said, almost sternly.

"Well I'm really sweaty and its uncomfortable and I can't concentrate properly on the conversation so…"

He grinned as he saw Sarah's face turn into a scowl. "What is it about men and excuses," she muttered under her breath as she gave in and headed over to carefully undo the bandages covering his foot.

"Thanks," he said, his voice now soft, it held non of the earlier hints of amusement. Sarah knew the process of taking the thick bandages off would be painful, so she used the opportunity to perform a brief examination of the limb while she was at it.

"Okay," she said minutes later, Jack opened his eyes again, "its looking good. Very good. As long as you keep using the crutch I'm sure we will make definite progress."

Jack couldn't help but grin as he struggled to his feet, keeping almost all of his weight from his bad foot. He was about to take a step when Sarah reminded him about the crutch, and so he begrudgingly placed his arm around it, using it to hold his weight.

"Are you deaf?" Sarah asked sarcastically, "because I am sure I just told you that if you use the crutch you will get better faster. I'm sure its not rocket science Jack, but please, if you don't understand just tell me and maybe we can find something in picture form to help you understand."

Jack rolled his eyes again, "I forgot okay. I was just testing it, see how it felt without the bandages. I'm not gonna do anything stupid," he said as he slowly made his way to the bathroom which was joined on to his room.

"Jack," Sarah called after him. He stopped and turned around, a smile flickered over his face. "Yes Sarah," he replied in an overly formal tone.

"Make sure it's a bath and not a shower," she paused as she saw the look of annoyance cross his face, "I don't know about you but I sure as hell don't wanna go back to giving you sponge baths."

A loud laugh forced its way out of Jack as he turned and headed back to the bathroom, "Well in that case," he said slowly, Sarah almost thought he was going to opt for the shower, "a bath it is!" He finished mockingly, Sarah shook her head in amusement as he headed into the bathroom and closed the door behind himself. She didn't leave his room until she was certain the water she could hear was coming from the taps and not the shower.


	7. Chapter 7

Instead of sitting around waiting for Jack Sarah passed through the house until she found Kim in the kitchen. She looked worn out as she fixed up lunch for Angela.

"How did it go," she whispered, looking around for any signs of her father.

"I haven't spoken to him yet, but I intend to as soon as he finishes up."

"Good," Kim sighed, "I hope he tells you what's bothering him. Its like he suddenly closed up this past week…"

"Well I can try to help," Sarah said brightly, trying to cheer Kim up, "but I can't promise anything."

Kim began to tap her finger nails against the counter as she thought. "It started when Chase and Angie returned. But I don't understand it, he said he didn't mind, he wanted them here."

Sarah ran a hand over her face as she thought about this. "He probably felt uncomfortable knowing that you guys were putting yourselves out for him. We both know your father Kim, its bad enough he needs help through his recovery, but he wouldn't stay if he knew that your partner had moved out. Maybe he still feels like he's a burden and wants to stay out of the way…"

"Yeah but he can't move about on his own yet, not until his foot is sorted - and its hardly a burden having him here when he almost died!"

"I know that, and he knows that. Maybe that's why he's hiding away; he doesn't want to get in your way but he knows he has no other choice right now." She paused, before adding thoughtfully, "maybe that's why he's so eager to work on his foot, he could damage it further if he doesn't slow down…"

"I don't know," Kim muttered, "but I wanna find out. I can't live like this, I feel like I'm locking him away when he stays in his room, but then when he's with us I feel like I'm making him do something he doesn't wanna do - I can't win here."

"Neither can he Kim," Sarah added quietly. Kim looked upset, Sarah took it as her que to leave the room.

"Jack?" She herd a splash from the other side of the door and had to smother her chuckle so he wouldn't hear it.

"What?" He snapped, it only made Sarah giggle more.

"Just checking you haven't fallen asleep," she said, trying to sound serious.

"God damn it," he said, "can't you let me have a bath in peace?"

"Well I gotta shoot off in an hour so I was hoping you would hurry," she yelled through the door. There was silence so she continued, "come on Jack, we made a deal."

"Fine," he grumbled, and Sarah happily waited in the hallway until he emerged from the bathroom dressed in sweats with ruffled towel dried hair.

"I don't know why this is so important," he moaned as he struggled to keep his grip on the crutch as he hobbled towards the bed.

"Why don't we go sit in the living room?" Sarah suggested.

Jack looked at her suspiciously, "I'd rather stay here, if you don't mind," he grumbled as he sat down in the chair. Sarah sat down in the second one, arranging it so they were facing each other.

"So what's up," he asked brightly, looking away as though he didn't understand why they were there.

"You tell me. You said you would."

"I don't understand," he said, his tone was serious but she knew he was lying, "what do you want me to tell you about?"

"Oh I don't know," she said, feigning thought, "maybe you could tell me why you've been hiding away from Chase and Angela since they returned? Do they make you feel uncomfortable?"

"I have not been hiding," he snapped, Sarah continued on as though she hadn't herd it.

"You hide in your room, you're even avoiding your daughter, so don't tell me you're not hiding."

"Its not easy to explain," he said as he leant his head in his hands."

"Is it Angela?"

"What? No, of course not, she's just a child," he said softly as he rubbed one hand through his damp hair.

"So its Chase?"

She was greeted with silence so again she continued. "How does Chase's presence make you feel Jack? Uncomfortable? Inferior? Embarrassed?"

"No," Jack snapped, unable to contain his silence. "I just…"

"What Jack? Tell me… I thought you and Chase were partners?"

"We were," he moaned, "but that was a long time ago…"

"Do you dislike him?"

"No."

"Then what?" He could sense the impatience in her voice and wondered if he could really tell her.

"When we worked together," he said slowly, "we fought for our country. But now, I… after what happened…" He paused and Sarah gently held his chin and forced his head up so he could look at her and not the floor. He didn't resist her. "After what I told the Chinese, I feel like I'm on the other side of the line."

"Oh Jack!" Sarah said, genuinely surprised and hurt for him. "Don't be silly, how could anybody think that way about you, after what you went through…"

"Chase has been through similar things," he snapped, "but he didn't give up the President for Christ's sake!"

She knew there was no point to try and tell him otherwise, his guilt was too thick. Instead she tried to reason with him. "Has any harm come to Palmer?"

"No."

"Can any harm come to him?"

"I don't think so," he whispered.

"Then there's absolutely no reason for you to feel the way you do. Your family love you Jack, for you to think otherwise is an insult to them."

His head snapped up again, she had hit a nerve. "I can't help feeling this way," he said, his voice edgily, he was almost defending himself.

"I know, but you need to stop it!"

His cheeks got redder as he felt his anger slowly grow. "Then what do you suggest I do, doctor," he snapped harshly.

"Talk to him," she said lightly as she got up from the chair. He watched her with a bemused look on his face as she pulled back the bed sheets for him then passed him his crutch. He hesitated for a moment feeling embarrassed about the conversation, but she wouldn't allow it.

"Come on Jack I gotta pick up Casey soon," she said, glancing at her watch.

Jack moved and once he was in bed she grabbed her bag to leave. Jack said goodbye as he felt relief sink into his body - would he really feel better if he spoke to Chase? He was still unsure about it, he wondered if his thoughts would hurt Chase, that seemed almost worse than the thought of him being right and Chase hating him. He didn't know what to do, so he laid back in the pillows and thought abut Sarah. He realised what Sarah had said to him before she left and began to wonder who Casey was.

"I'm off," Sarah said as she rushed by the kitchen pulling her arm into the sleeve of her jacket.

"Did you talk?" Kim asked following her down the corridor, her voice almost panicked.

"Yeah," Sarah shrugged, "he told me what's wrong."

"Well then what is it!" Kim asked, if she was in such a rush she should hurry up and tell her.

"You need to talk to him about that," Sarah said as she opened the door.

"What," Kim yelled as she followed her over the lawn.

"I have to go," Sarah said impatiently, "I'm gonna be late - if you wanna help your father you need to start talking to him."

She climbed into the rusty car and slammed the door before quickly setting off in a hurry. Kim watched, hands on her hips, wondering what exactly Jack had told the doctor and just how difficult it was going to be to get him to open up to her.


	8. Chapter 8

Jack lay under the soft quilt still pondering Sarah's words on Chase. He tried to imagine the scene, if he did indeed speak to him about what was on his mind; but then his thoughts quickly drifted back to Sarah - thoughts which he knew weren't wise to obtain. Trying to ignore the image of her smiling face and soft touch he replayed their last conversation through his mind. As he did so a thought suddenly hit him, who the hell was Casey?

In that moment he realised he didn't know much about Sarah, even though she knew a lot about him, more than some of his friends even. The fact that she was on first name terms with James Heller was the most personal thing he knew about her. He wondered if Casey was a friend of hers, maybe a family member, possibly even her daughter. The latter was a wide shot, surely he would know if she had a daughter, how could he not? It seemed strange, that this woman who he had spent large amounts of time with over the last couple of months, could have a child, or any kind of life outside of her work with him that he didn't know about.

When Kim built up the courage to go check on her father, and possibly talk to him, she found Jack fast asleep with a faint smile on his lips that made her smile too.

Jack woke an hour or so later, his stomach grumbled, ordering him to go eat something. Sitting up on the bed Jack pulled his foot towards himself and gently prodded at the bandaging, hissing in pain and then laughing at his own stupidity as he tried to get up. Stood on one foot he reached for the crutch; as Sarah's words soaked back into his mind he reached out for the second one too, deciding that two would be better for his foot and easier on him.

Hearing voices from the house way Jack hobbled to the door and stood by it listening. Angela's high pitched "daddy!" gave away the fact that Chase was home. Swallowing hard, Jack turned and sat back down on the bed, not knowing what to do.

Shaking his head he knew he had to face the man. He didn't want him to feel uncomfortable in his own home. Standing up again he pulled some loose fitting trousers out of the dresser and carefully pulled them on over his shorts and ran a hand through his ruffled hair.

Grabbing the crutches again Jack was slightly startled when the door swung open and Kim came bustling in.

"You're up!" She said, and for a moment Jack wondered if she was feigning her happiness to put him at ease.

"Yeah," he nodded, "I lied down after the session but I didn't expect to fall asleep like I did."

"Well," Kim said as she moved over to the dresser and closed each of the drawers properly, "its because you've been working so hard."

"Yeah," her father replied, shyly looking down at the floor.

"Dad," Kim said, taking a breath as she braced herself, "are you okay?"

Jack looked up at her confused, "you know I am," he said. Chase and Angela could be heard in the background, Jack tried to ignore the noise but he couldn't shut it out.

"Its just, I've been worried, and so has Chase."

Jack looked at her puzzled, "but why? I'm getting better?"

"Dad, I don't wanna pry, but suddenly, you've just withdrawn. You hide away in here and I feel like we've done something wrong. Chase is worried but he wont ask you, he doesn't want to impose."

Jack shook his head, "I hadn't noticed," he lied.

Kim put her hands on her hips, "don't lie dad I know something's wrong, I even spoke to Sarah and she said something was up." She couldn't help but notice Jack flinch when Sarah's name was mentioned.

"And what did Sarah say?" He asked, his voice hoarse and deadly serious.

"Nothing," Kim said, confused by his sudden tone, "she just said I should talk with you… but this isn't exactly "talking," is it?"

Jack looked down at the floor, his cheeks turning red as he saw the anger and hurt in his daughters face. God, she had been outright with her queries about him and he was still sending her round in circles.

"I'm sorry Kim, I am."

"Don't apologise when-"

"Kim…" he interrupted, still looking down at the floor, "I have been distant, and its not an accident." He said honestly.

Kim looked hurt. "Why? Has somebody said something? Is it Chase, Angela?"

"I just need to… adjust to a few things," he said, again not being entirely truthful. "But I'll be fine." He finished, indicating that the conversation was over.

Not reassured by his words Kim left the room feeling worse than when she entered.

Left alone Jack shook his head angry with his dealing of the situation. Feeling restless he made a decision, he couldn't allow his daughter or Chase to tip-toe around him, he needed to try and fix tings, even if it was only for his own sake of mind.

Pulling a belt on over the black bottoms Jack pulled a shirt on and slowly buttoned it up. Finding the brace he gently pulled it on over his foot before tightening it knowing it would hurt at first but save him pain later should his foot come into contact with any kind of object. Once fully dressed he made his way into the bathroom to splash water on his face and hair, making himself look presentable.

Using both crutches he made his way through the house until he found Chase in the main room, who looked surprised but pleased to see Jack.

"You okay Jack, why don't you take a seat," he said, hoping to make him feel comfortable.

"I was wondering," Jack said quietly, "if you wanted to go for a drink… if you have the time or something…"

Chase smiled genuinely as he nodded his head and then rushed out of the room to get his wallet. Seated in the corner of the room helping Angela colour her picture Kim tried and failed to hide the smile spreading across her face. She hoped that things would be different between them once they returned.

--

Sorry for the lack of updates Uni has been mad!


	9. Chapter 9

It was getting dark when the two men returned, but they'd only been gone for an hour. Kim peered through the blinds in her bedroom and watched tensely as her boyfriend and father walked up the pebbled drive. She smiled slightly as Chase hovered behind Jack watching as he carefully moved over the uneven driveway leaning heavily against the crutches.

The window was open a crack, allowing her to hear a low chuckle as the two filtered into the house, she didn't know who it belonged to but didn't care, laughter was always a good sign. Movement was heard but Kim stalled some more, pottering around in her room and then checking on Angela who was sleeping before making her way down the stairs.

"Hey," Chase said quietly as he pulled out a chair for her at the pine kitchen table, "you're dads gone to bed."

"Is he okay?" The worry was clear even though she tried to hide it.

"Yeah, he only had a couple of beers but its been so long and he got real tired."

Kim nodded as she silently posed her next question. "Did he say anything?"

Chase nodded his head but became uncomfortable. "We talked, I think things will be better between us," he said, looking around the room, "at least I hope so," he added.

"What did he say?"

Chase paused a moment as he shrugged his shoulders. "I don't want to go into it," he said, "but we both said things that needed to be said."

Kim nodded, slightly annoyed that he wouldn't give her a detailed account although she understood why. She knew Chase's relationship with her father was one of pure trust and that he wouldn't want to upset Jack by telling his daughter something he may possibly not want her to know.

Chase nodded as he thought back to his conversation with Jack. At first he was hurt that Jack thought he'd think him a failure, a traitor even; because of his confession. When he had tried to explain to Jack his own thoughts on the confession Jack had shyly picked at the beer bottle label, saying nothing.

After fifteen minutes of silence Chase had grown irritated. "Listen Jack, I'm not going to try convince you of anything. Maybe you're just being stubborn and wont accept that we're proud you saved your own life and your daughters by signing the confession," he said, stressing each word.

With more silence Chase was annoyed, almost hurt. "Jack I thought our respect for each other was mutual," he said, letting his statement hang in the air.

He smiled as he remembered the way Jacks head had jerked up and he quickly reassured him that his belief was correct.

"If that's true then you'll take me at my word. Nobody hates you Jack, nobody's embarrassed or ashamed of what happened. Most men break within 24 hours of capture. You went through hell and it still took threats to Kim to make you talk. You survived Jack, that's all people will remember; that you pulled through and moved on with your life."

Jack had watched him with a curious eye before speaking quietly, "you can't speak for everybody, Chase," he almost whispered, the pain in his eyes hurting Chase as he watched.

"That is true," he said plainly as his hand tightened around the cool, wet beer bottle. "But I can speak for Kim and Heller and Sarah and Palmer and they all say the same; you're a hero-"

"Chase," Jack interrupted harshly, not liking the mans comment.

"I can speak for myself and you have to accept that Jack," he said sternly, "if you let the Chinese get you down now, then they've won. Its as simple as that." Finally meeting his eyes Jack reluctantly nodded, accepting his words.

Kim spoke again interrupting Chase's thoughts. "I'm going to go call Sarah," Kim said brightly, "check she's still coming tomorrow."

Leading her into the living room Chase smiled, realising just how well the night went.


	10. Chapter 10

Jack woke early the next morning with a slight headache from the few bottles he'd drank while out with Chase. He couldn't stop playing the conversation through in his mind, it was as though his brain had recorded Chase's words and was on constant repeat. He could feel himself beginning to accept that maybe, just maybe, he hadn't failed himself. But as much as his mind wanted to accept it, his heart wouldn't allow it, and he didn't understand why.

He knew he had a couple of hours to spare before Sarah arrived so he set his mind on a wash before the session began. He leant over and worked on taking the bandages from his foot. Once the task was complete he laid back to study the messy scaring on his skin. Again he was surprised he felt nothing at the gruesome sight, just grateful that it was functional and improving.

After hobbling into the bathroom he propped one crutch up against the shower and dutifully began filling the bath tub, eyeing the shower ruefully but not chancing it. As he soaked he could hear noise begin to filter through the house, the high pitch voice of Angela as she chatted to her parents who were constantly shushing her. He couldn't help but smile to himself.

The water began to cool and so he slowly pulled himself up onto one leg and leant against the side of the tub as he carefully wrapped a towel around his waist. Once the task was complete he reached out for the crutch and held it tight as he manoeuvred his way onto the edge of the tub before standing on his wobbly feet. He took a breath to gather his bearings before making his way into the room. He eyed the telephone on the bedside table and as Chase's words echoed through his mind he decided to make a phone call.

Heller had promised to pass on his message to Palmer, that he would like to speak to him, almost a week ago. No contact had been made, and although Jack knew the ex-President was a busy man, he was still hurt by the lack of contact - it didn't help his slowly returning confidence in himself and the signing of the confession.

Picking the receiver up he held it in his hand for a moment as he closed his eyes to seek out the number which would put him through to Palmers office. He hastily dialled with shaking hands and gave the receptionist his name and CTU clearance number. As he was placed on hold he wondered if his security clearance number was even authorised anymore, it wasn't likely.

"I'm sorry Sir," the woman said, "that's an invalid number."

Jack paused a moment, unsure of what to say, still feeling weary about making the call at all. "Um, I must have got it wrong," he said feebly, "could you please just tell President Palmer that Jack Bauer called?"

"President Palmer has a very busy schedule Sir, may I ask what it concerns?"

Jack felt his spirits dampen further as he closed his eyes. "Its private," he said quietly, "just please tell him I called."

The woman ended the call and Jack hung up the phone dejectedly. If Chase was right, and he had done right by himself and Palmer wasn't enraged or humiliated by his confession; then why was Palmer avoiding him? Jack felt his mood turn sour as he realised that Heller too had been stringing him along, trying to make him feel better by saying that Palmer wanted to speak to him when in reality Palmer clearly wanted nothing to do with him. As he climbed back into bed and pulled a pillow over his head Jack admitted to himself that he couldn't blame the man - he had probably ruined him.


	11. Chapter 11

Breakfast was over but Jack hadn't surfaced from his room. Kim knocked and then entered when their was no response. "Dad?" she called out, but there was no reply, other than a small shuffle under the covers which were pulled up high over his head. She shook her head slightly, not knowing what to do. She knew he had spoken to Sarah yesterday, and then Chase the night before, but not her; was his anger aimed at her? Putting her hands on her hips she moved over to the bed, deciding that she was going to clear the air with him, she didn't want to tip toe around him any longer.

She stepped over and pulled the dark covers back and frowned for a moment as she noticed that her father was fully dressed beneath them, but he still used the pillow to hide his face from her.

"This is ridiculous," she moaned, "what the hell is going on?" she asked, not understanding why he was behaving this way when he had been fine, almost cheerful the night before.

"Leave me alone Kim, I need to think," he mumbled.

"Sarah's due over soon, Dad, don't make her wait for you."

Jack let out a snort, "tell her I'm not feeling well."

"I'm not lying for you," she said sternly, before adding, "unless you tell me what's going on."

There was no response and so Kim grabbed at the pillow and pulled it away from him. She tossed it behind her carelessly, it hit the vase on the dresser, sending it to the floor with a dull thump. "Shit," Kim whispered, crossing the room to examine the object, surprised it was still in one piece. "Talk about luck," she said grinning, but Jack just stared at her absently, the sound of the vase hitting the thick carpet making him flinch, taking him back to the sledgehammer and the small cell in China. It only lasted for a second but it was enough to dull his mind, dampening his already sodden spirits even more.

"What's wrong?" Kim asked, she sat on the edge of the bed forcing him to sit up himself, careful to keep his leg stretched out.

He sighed heavily. "I just have a few things on my mind," he said softly, examining the cuff on his cotton sleeve.

"Well so do I, especially when you're acting like this."

"This hasn't been easy Kim," he said, regretting the words the moment he spoke them, hating how sorry he felt for himself.

"I'm not disputing that," she said gently, "its been difficult for us all. But if something is bothering you so much that you result to tactics Angela's beyond, then I think you really need to speak to somebody…"

Jack smiled at her slightly, before lowering his gaze again. "I know," he paused, "I'm sorry for being like this, you have a lot to put up with."

"I don't have to do anything," Kim jumped in, "but I want to - we all do."

Jack nodded his head. "I was wondering," he started, trying to keep his voice casual, "when you last spoke to Secretary Heller?"

Kim laughed, "Oh you mean James?"

Jack smiled at her term and shook his head, "isn't that a little informal?"

"Dad, the guys made me coffee and held my hand when I debriefed, I think we are passed formalities…" she smirked.

"Yeah," Jack replied quietly, "I guess I've been selfish, forgetting how hard it was on you too-"

"I'm fine," she cut in firmly, grabbing his hand in a tight grip as though to prove her words. "Its getting you better I care about."

Jack nodded, not sure of what else to say and Kim carried on the conversation. "So why you asking about Jimmy?" She giggled again and Jack just shook his head in amusement.

"Just wondered. I think I'd like to speak to him about something. Maybe I'll talk to Sarah first…"

"Not me?" Kim said, looking a little hurt.

"It doesn't concern you," he said softly, "its nothing important anyway, it can wait."

"Good," Kim said, before getting up to peer out of the blinds and onto the street, "because I think I just heard Sarah's cronk pull up." She nodded her head to confirm her words as she watched the woman park her car.

"Cronk?" Jack asked with a raised eyebrow, climbing out of bed to straighten the covers up.

"I'm surprised her ride hasn't packed in on her - seriously dad, I'd rather get the bus than drive that thing…" she trailed off as she fluffed the pillow on the bed before going to let Sarah in, Jack hobbling behind her with the crutches, mentally banishing his earlier thoughts from his mind until the session was over. Then he would talk.


	12. Chapter 12

Sarah was visibly stressed when she arrived and so Jack decided to stay quiet as they got on with the session with little chat. An hour through Kim knocked on the door and sheepishly entered the room with the portable phone in her hand.

"Sorry to interrupt, Sarah, somebody called for you."

Sarah looked annoyed and apologised before going off to take the call. "What's up with her?" Kim mumbled, and Jack shrugged his shoulders before she stormed back in again with a tense smile on her face. Kim left them and she started rummaging through her bag, hoping to continue on but Jack stayed put as he watched her with interest.

She turned around and realised Jack was perched on the edge of his chair gently massaging his knee, no longer on the mat where she had left him.

"Come on," she said, "I'm sorry for the distraction but I really need to just get on with it today."

Jack watched her curiously before asking, "who's Casey?"

"Casey is my niece, but how is that relevant to today's session?" Her tone was sharp, the stress sounding through.

"I'm just trying to figure out what the hell's wrong with you," Jack retorted.

"That's really none of your business," she stated bluntly.

"Fine," Jack said annoyed, "I'm sorry I asked."

"Look," Sarah said, "I'm sorry for being grouchy but I had a bad night and its going to be an even worse day..."

"Tell me about it," Jack muttered, sitting back into the chair, resting his head back.

"Well," Sarah said, trying to lighten the atmosphere, "for somebody who doesn't like to talk about himself you sure do like to pry into the lives of others."

"I'm just concerned," Jack offered as an explanation.

"Well we were all concerned about you Jack, but it didn't make you want to talk to anybody."

Jack smirked defiantly for a moment before looking at her, "point taken."

Sarah sat down on the mat leaning against the wall, the tables turned as she now eyed him curiously. "Anyway, I don't think I'm the only person who's been in a bad mood today. You haven't been exactly friendly yourself," she said, waiting to see how he responded to her observation.

"I could see you were in a foul mood," Jack said dismissively, "but I am fine," he added hastily, not liking, or wanting, the attention.

"I don't think you are," she replied, a hint of playfulness present in her voice, "come on - spill it - what's on your mind?"

Jack looked down at her and laughed sarcastically, "excuse me but you just shot me down for asking you the same question. Like hell I'm gonna tell you anything now."

"Come on," she taunted, "don't be spiteful, share your thoughts with me."

Jack feigned thought for a moment, hand resting against his chin until he spoke, "what was the phone call about? Tell me what's got you in such a huff and I'll tell you what's on my mind."

"You haggle everything," she said laughing, "God help you at a car boot sale."

Jack looked at her strangely, "a what?"

"Never mind," she said, laughing under her breath.

"Do we have a deal?" Jack asked, his mood significantly brighter now as he waited for a response.

"I guess so," Sarah said, pretending to be reluctant about her answer.

"So go," Jack instructed, his face serious as he began to listen carefully, even before Sarah began to speak.

"Okay, my sister Lilly called about my niece, her daughter Casey. She's not very well and I've been helping her look after her when I can. She wanted to know if I could stay the night to help her out."

"What's wrong with her?" Jack asked, "and I didn't know you had a sister," he added as he mulled over the information.

"You didn't need to know I have a sister," she said mischievously, "but for you information she's the only one."

"Okay," Jack said, "what about-"

"This is not a Q and A!" Sarah snapped light heartedly, Jack couldn't help but smile when she did, like her laugh it was contagious. "Now - your turn, lay your soul bare!"

"I've just been thinking about things, people…"

"Who?"

"Actually, " Jack said slowly as he continued to think the situation over, "I think you just solved my problems. I guess, when you have people fussing over you constantly it can be easy to forget that people still have their own lives to deal with."

"Sure," Sarah said, hoping he would keep talking.

"But you just reminded me," he said, his voice stronger, "so there is no problem."

"Who was this thought directed at?"

"I'm not sure I want to share that with you," he said sheepishly, "it doesn't matter anyway, seen as its not bothering me anymore."

"Why are you back peddling?"

"I'm not," he lied.

"You sure?"

"Yes," he said, keeping his face blank.

She eyed him curiously, before her watch beeped. "I guess we better get back on with it," she said glancing at the time, "I'm afraid I have to leave early today."

"Why?"

He deserved an answer so she tried to keep it simple, "I have to pick Casey up from the hospital," she saw Jack getting ready to ask another question so she continued on quickly to stop him from doing so, "just a check up."

Jack seemed to accept her answer and they continued on with the session. Sarah left early and as she drove to the hospital she found herself stuck with Jacks words running through her mind as she tried to understand the implications behind them. Jack similarly tried to push thoughts of Sarah's nice, and more importantly Sarah from his mind, knowing it wasn't wise to allow her image to linger in his mind when she wasn't there.


	13. Chapter 13

Sarah pulled up outside her sisters house and parked, then winced as the rusted door screeched as she opened it. She moved to the back seat and lifted her niece into her arms easily. She struggled to unlock the door without disturbing Casey and then headed straight up the stairs and into the pink and purple bedroom where she carefully laid the young girl down. She watched her niece as she rolled onto her side and curled up in her sleep. Leaning over she kissed her on her forehead before running her hand against her shiny bald head before smiling slightly as she softly closed the door behind herself.

The house was dull so Sarah turned on every light and lamp to try and brighten the place up. Once finished she turned her phone on and listened to the voicemail messages that were left while she was at the hospital with Casey.

"Sarah its James Heller, I'd appreciate it if you could call me back, or if we could meet up to talk. Bye."

She wasn't sure why Heller was calling as she hadn't seen him since he debriefed Jack. Still she dutifully phoned and was able to talk him into coming to see her at her sisters. He knew the place, he knew her sister as well as he did her. As she waited for him to arrive she switched on the TV but kept it on mute. She checked the baby monitor was on full volume so she could hear Casey if she woke up at all. Taking off her shoes she went through the duffel bag stored in the spare room that she was spending more and more time in to get changed into some old clothes.

Looking tired but comfortable she padded through the house, tying her long hair back as she decided to open up one of the beers her sister kept chilling in the fridge. Just one couldn't hurt, she decided, she was tense and wanted nothing more than to relax after the hard and long day she had just endured.

Heller knocked on the door and let himself in before greeting Sarah who was laid back in an arm chair. She nodded for him to take a seat and he declined a beer but asked if he could smoke in the house. She watched as he pulled a cigar from the inside pocket of his suit jacket and rolled her eyes.

"I thought you quit?"

"I did, but I like a treat every now and again."

Sarah shrugged and watched as he lit the cigar, the smell taking her back to her childhood days when she and Lilly would sit on the bottom step of the stairs and watch as their father and Mr. Heller smoked cigars on the patio. They had been good friends since their school days and both went on into politics, staying in touch right until Ray died of a heart attack almost five years ago. Heller still kept in touch with the two girls and Sarah was comfortable in his presence, which is why he had requested her to take on Jack's case. Not only that, but he trusted her and knew she would do her best to help Bauer work through his recovery.

"So what's up?" She was too tired to act polite so she just asked him outright. Heller scrunched his face up slightly before answering, making her certain something was bothering him.

"What makes you think anything's wrong?"

Sarah smirked slightly, "I know we are close but I haven't seen this much of you since my father died, and you're pulling back on your smoke as hard as I'm pulling back on the bottle."

Heller smiled slightly but suddenly looked very tired. "Audrey's not been doing too well."

"What's wrong with her?"

"She's been depressed since the incident with Paul, and Jacks return has taken a lot out of her."

"I didn't think she and Jack had spoken," Sarah said curiously.

"They haven't. She's still too down to think clearly and as far as I know Jack hasn't made any move to contact her."

"Jack hasn't contacted anybody," she cut in to defend him, before continuing after a slight pause, "although I did have a strange conversation with him today. He was talking about how people have their own lives to deal with, without his own problems on top of that. it was weird," she said, not wanting to give too much away. "I got the impression that the one thing Jack has struggled with most since his return was the lack of independence, hating how his family had put out for him, not being able to get back on his feet right away. But then with what he said today, it almost sounded as though he was feeling… I don't know, lonely?"

"Abandoned maybe?" Heller asked helpfully.

"I don't know. I'll talk to him some more tomorrow. I'm thinking its related to the confession, something he has managed to evade in out every conversation," she said with a slight chuckle, "until now."

"I was supposed to pass on a message to David Palmer for him," Heller said, as though reminding himself. "He asked me last week, but I just haven't found the time. To be honest with you it slipped my mind. Maybe that's what's bothering him, I told him how much Palmer would appreciate the chance to talk to him, and then the guy doesn't even call. He may be angry. Hell, I haven't contacted him myself since I said I'd speak to Palmer, maybe he's wondering what the hell's going on."

"It wouldn't hurt Palmer to call Jack without you pushing him to do so," Sarah said a little callously.

"David's been busy," Heller said slowly, "dealing with the political fallout of Jacks confession. I don't think it would be helpful to Jack to know this though."

Sarah nodded, holding her tongue for the moment. "Maybe it would help, then, if you check in on him again."

"I want to, believe me," he said gruffly, rubbing a hand against his head, "I've just been so busy. I made Audrey check herself into a clinic," he said quietly, "she's lost a hell of a lot of weight recently, she was making herself ill. She agreed to go in for a few weeks, clear her head and start taking care of herself properly."

"I had no idea," Sarah said, suddenly feeling sorry for the old man, he had as many issues as anyone else and was struggling to hold it together like the rest of them.

"I'm scared Jack will ask of Audrey, he doesn't need any more problems and certainly no more guilt to shoulder."

"I think you should give him some credit, he's a lot stronger than we think."

"I know, I just… I don't know if I can face him right now."

"Maybe," Sarah said carefully, "you should just talk to him, instead of worrying about what information you want to hide from him. At the end of the day he needs to know, and it will make him feel better if there are legitimate reasons for why the two people he admires and respects the most are seemingly avoiding him."

"I'm not avoiding him!"

"No, you're not, and neither is President Palmer, but look at it from his point of view, and remember, he's suspicious about everything and everybody. He's gonna be wondering what the hell he did wrong, and its gonna hurt him even more, because he'll put two and two together and come up with six, blaming himself for the confession even more than he already does."

Heller nodded, "will you talk to him, tell him I'll try get through to see him one day soon?"

Sarah nodded her head carefully, "sure I will. But if he asks any questions I'm gonna answer the honestly."

Heller smiled, "I wouldn't expect anything less from you." He paused for a moment as the baby monitor suddenly sounded, but it was just the sound of ruffling covers, Casey was probably turning over in her sleep.

"How's the kid doing?" He asked sincerely, "I haven't seen here in a while but Lill's been keeping me up to date."

"Okay," Sarah said, "she's getting better and that's what matters. This time next year she'll be more like her old self, and healthy too."

Heller smiled, "Time next year we'll all be laughing: me, you, Jack, Lilly, Casey, Audrey," he paused, "we just have to wait for things to sort themselves out."

Sarah nodded, "healing takes time," she muttered, hoping she wouldn't sound patronising.

"It most certainly does," Heller added before grinding what was left of the cigar out with a determined stab.


	14. Chapter 14

When he woke, the house was quiet and so Jack decided to venture out of his room and into the sitting room. The wall clock told him it was way too early for anyone to be up so he sat down on the couch, resting his foot on the footstool and leaned back against the cushions. He allowed his eyes to linger around the room, noticing details he hadn't seen before, pictures decorated the room and he smiled slightly when he saw a copy of what had once been a family favourite picture of himself with Terri and Kim, taken before things started to go down hill.

He sighed slightly as he noticed a painting presumably created by Angela framed on the wall and thought back to Kim when she was that age, but the memories were a distant blur so he instead turned his attention to the thoughts which had been keeping him up. He thought about Heller, and Palmer, and then Tony too, as he realised with a guilty conscience that he shouldn't have shut the man out as he had done.

He spotted a phone on the wall and stared at it, unable to look away. Grabbing the one crutch he had been leaning on throughout his journey from his bed to the couch Jack slowly made his way to the phone and reluctantly dialled in Tony's number. It went to automatic answer machine and Jack felt relief sweep though him before he left a message.

"Hey its Jack," he said, trying to sound cheerful but he couldn't break through the dull edge to his voice. "I'm sorry I haven't called or… anything. I know you wanted to see me.. before…" he said, searching for words, "but I'm better now so maybe we can talk?"

He held the received in his hand for a few moments wondering what it was he actually wanted to talk about. Jack made to move away but the phone slipped from the receiver and clattered against the wall, the sound made Jack jump and he dropped the crutch too, it banged against the laminate flooring loudly.

"Damn it," Jack snapped, before slowly leaning down and grabbing his crutch for support, and then the phone too which he was careful to replace in its holder. As he made his way back to his room, he stopped suddenly at the soft sound of footsteps padding against the floor. Jack tensed up, realising he wasn't in the right frame of mind to speak to anybody, but hen he saw the little girl in her pink pyjamas plodding down the stairs he watched her carefully as she trotted right up to him.

"What are you doing?" She asked sleepily, rubbing a hand against her eyes to wake herself up.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," he said softly, "go back to bed."

"Are you a burglar?"

Jack looked at her strangely, "I'm Jack," he said, feeling stupid the moment he said it.

"I know that," she said obviously, "but the noise you made which woke me was like a burglar." She stared up at him expectantly.

"Oh," he said, "I dropped the phone," he said, suddenly feeling the need to explain himself.

"Did you talk to your friends?"

Jack grumbled a "yes" in response, wondering where the questions were coming from.

"I'm not allowed to use the phone, especially not in the night time."

"Well," Jack replied, thinking hard, "you will do when you are older," he finished lamely.

"How old are you?" She asked again, showing no signs of going back upstairs.

"Too old to remember," he said and the little girl started to laugh loudly.

"Shhhh!" Jack cut in, "you don't want to wake your mum and dad do you?"

Angela looked up at him again now giddy and shook her head as she tried to stop laughing.

"Come on," he said, slowly walking towards the stairs, "time for bed."

"But its almost time for morning!"

Jack saw that she wasn't wrong but asked, "you can tell the time? How old are you."

Angela smiled cheekily, "I'm too little to tell the time but its getting light in the garden."

Jack found himself unable not to smile as he against realised she was right, it was getting light out.

"Well you can't stay up on your own, if you sleep then morning will come even faster."

"I don't want to."

"Tough," Jack said, as it dawned on him that this was the first conversation he had had with the child. "Come on," he said, as he stood by the staircase. "Off you go."

"Okay," Angela said sadly, "but will you carry me?"

Jack chuckled again as he looked down at the bandages on his foot and wondered if it was do-able.

"I don't know if I can carry you," he said, "but I might be able to come up with you."

Angela screwed her face up, "it that because of your poorly leg?"

Jack nodded and was pleased to see the little girl climb the first few stairs and then look back at Jack who was trying to manoeuvre his way up the first step with his crutch and the use of the banister. "I'll race you!" She said, and then bounded heavily up the stairs shrieking with laughter as Jack struggled to make his way up.

"Shhhh!" He said, laughing too as she reached the top step and then bounced back down to him in a rush, eager to show off. She giggled again, "you're too slow Jack," she said as she started to bounce back up a few steps and back down, "you can't catch me!"

Jack was half way up the stairs when she stopped by him again and laughed. "Angela you don't want to wake your parents up do you?"

She continued to laugh, too excited to calm down but then both she and Jack were silent when they saw the landing light flicker on and a tired looking Kim stood at the top of the stairs with her arms folded, ready to tell Angela off and send her back to bed. She stopped in her tracks when she saw the two, Angela clinging to Jacks crutch, trying to look serious and not laugh because of the trouble she knew she was in, and the startled look on Jacks face; the two looked as though they had been caught steeling cookies from the biscuit tin.

"Who on earth is making all that noise?" Kim asked, playing the role of the tired mum down to a tee.

"Me and Jack were just playing catch," Angela said, before giggling as she took off again up the stair and into Kim's arms.

"It's too early," she said to the little girl as she watched her father make it to the top of the stairs with some effort. As she snuck a glance at him she could see he was tired, but he looked calm too, more caml than she had seen him since his return.

"It was Jack who woke me up!" Angela said, shifting the blame.

"Okay," Kim said, "lets get you back in bed." As Kim escorted the child back to her room Jack sat down on the top step of the stairs and looked down into the dark house, smiling as he heard Angela trying to bargain with Kim to stay up longer. After a few more minutes it turned quiet and Kim surfaced from the room alone and sat down next to Jack on the stairs.

Kim looked up at him and Jack smiled, "sorry to wake you up, Angela's right, I accidentally woke her."

"It's okay," Kim said, "its nice to see you look so… relaxed."

Jack nodded his head lost in his own thoughts again. "I think I'm going to back to bed. I'm tired," he admitted, "these stairs took some climbing," he added, and again Kim felt better to hear him mention his injury so light heartedly.

"You need a hand getting back down?" She asked, wondering how he would respond to her offer.

"That," he said as he pulled himself upright and held out his arm to her, "would be fantastic."


	15. Chapter 15

Kim, Chase and Angela were seated at the breakfast table. The radio hummed in the background. Chase was trying to make his daughter finish her cereal while Kim chewed on a piece of toast and flipped through the job section in the newspaper. Chase's watch beeped and he looked up at Kim, slightly concerned although he didn't show it.

"Isn't Sarah coming today?"

Kim nodded her head as she turned the page, "yeah, she may be late, I don't know. Dad's not up yet so maybe they arranged a later time."

"Daddy," Angela cut in as she looked down at her cereal. "Why does Jack get to stay in bed all day?"

"Jack's a grown up," Chase said.

"Is he tired?" She asked.

"I don't know," he replied, "probably, if he's asleep."

"If I feel tired, does that mean I can go back to sleep?"

Kim raised an eyebrow as she wondered where exactly the young girl was trying to take the conversation.

"Not until you finish your breakfast," he said, smiling when he saw the look on her face, surprise that he had figured her out.

Seeing Angela was about to ask another question Kim cut in, "what did you and Jack do last night?"

"We played catch!" She said enthusiastically, "he wasn't very good though, I don't think he wanted to play."

"Angela," Chase said seriously, "you weren't naughty for Jack were you?"

Angela but her spoon down and carefully crossed her arms and shook her head from left to right. "I wasn't naughty, I didn't get up until Jack made some noise."

"That's okay then," Kim said, before getting up and folding the paper. "I'm just gonna go check on him."

Jack was still sleeping lightly when Kim came in, the sound of the door opening waking him from his rest.

"I think Angela likes you," Kim said laughing at the smile that crept on Jacks face.

"I think you need a stair lift or something," he said sitting up, "lasts night adventure took it out of me. Is Sarah here," he asked suddenly, "I haven't overlaid have I?"

"Sarah's not here yet, but she's due."

"Okay," Jack said, rubbing his eyes, "let me get ready for her."

Thirty minutes later Sarah rang the door chime and then bustled inside, knowing she was late and feeling terrible. Jack was up and waiting for her, sat in a chair by the bed, looking out onto the green garden through the window.

"Jack I am so sorry," she said as she hurried to drop her bags on the floor and then take her coat off. "I totally overslept and then I had to take Casey to the hospital and then I-"

"Whoa," Jack said, getting up, "calm down Sarah, its not the end of the world."

"I know but I just feel terrible," she said as she brushed a stray hair away from her face.

"Don't worry about it," he said, and Sarah seemed to accept his words and relax as she set her things out.

Thirty minutes into the workout Sarah poured them both a glass of water and then sat down on the floor as she watched Jack.

"You seem tired," she said, keen to see how he reacted to her words. "Sleeping well?"

"Yes, well," Jack said, "I had a few things on my mind last night. And I made a long and unexpected trip up and down the stairs," he added, with a chuckle.

"Really," Sarah said, "no wonder you're so slow today," she teased, Jack just smirked, he enjoyed her sarcastic comments, they cheered him up.

"I thought you would have noticed by now that I'm slow pretty much all of the time," he added, and then it was Sarah's turn to back peddle.

"Not for long," she said, patting him on the shoulder.

"I hope not," Jack mumbled. "I think I might go out for a walk or something later, is that okay?"

"Jack!" She said laughing, "you sound like you're asking me for permission!"

"No," he said, almost defensively, "I just don't want to, overdo it or make things worse."

"As long as you take everything steady there shouldn't be a problem. Your leg will let you know when you're doing too much, and if it starts to hurt, you will have to cut back, but I don't think that will be a problem."

"Good," Jack said, silently thinking about his call to Tony as he took another glance out of the window.

Tony was surprised when he saw Chase tap on his office door before entering, a visitors pass stuck to the chest of his casual shirt.

"Chase!" Tony exclaimed, generally surprised to see him. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Chase said, sitting himself down on the couch. "I'm here on business, as always," he said and rolled his eyes.

"Okay," Tony said, "but first I gotta ask you about Jack, is he okay?"

Chase shrugged his shoulders, "he's getting better I guess. He still hasn't mentioned any visitors, if you were wondering-"

"He left a message on my machine last night," Tony said seriously, "wanting to meet up or something. I only got it this morning but I had to rush to work for a meeting, its been on my mind all day."

"So," Chase said, wondering why the man was worrying, "what's the problem, call him back."

"I'm gonna, I just wanted to know how he was. I don't wanna push him or something."

"Tony, Jack's still Jack. Yeah, he's a little down and he's still a little banged up but he is still his own person. The only thing that will push him is if you treat him any differently. That's the last thing he wants, and you should know this already."

"Okay," Tony said holding his hands up, "I was just trying to look out for him."

"Okay," Chase said, accepting that, "why don't you call him then, I'm sure he'd appreciate it."

"I was gonna call in after work today if that's okay."

Chase smirked slightly and shook his head. "Would you normally just pop in? No, you'd call. If you want to talk to Jack then you ask him if its okay that you come over, not me."

"Alright," Tony said, feeling like he had been told off for being worried about his friend, "I'm just concerned about him, that's all."

"There's nothing wrong with being concerned," Chase said as he got to his feet, "as long as you don't overdo it, now," he said, holding his hand out, "do you have the blueprints ready for the firm I mentioned last week?"

"Yes," Tony said dejectedly, "I'll just leave you here while I get them," he added, taking Chase's lead that the conversation was over.


	16. Chapter 16

Jack wasn't too eager to talk to Tony when Kim handed him the phone later that afternoon, but a part of him was relieved that Tony had called him back, it meant, he hoped, that Tony wasn't angry with him.

"Jack?" Tony asked, and Jack was surprised to hear that the man sounded as nervous as he felt.

"Hey, thanks for calling back."

"Its okay, I would have talked sooner, but you didn't want to see anyone…"

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, it wasn't directed at anybody in particular, I just wasn't in the right frame of mind."

"And now? How you doing?"

"Good, listen, how about I come over, or we go out for a drink or something?" Jack didn't realise he was saying what he was saying until the words were out in the air. It surprised him but he was pleased with himself for making the offer, even if he wasn't totally comfortable going out alone.

"Sure? Want me to pick you up?"

"Erm," Jack stalled for a moment, "actually I'm gonna take a cab."

"Jack there's no need for that, I can swing round, or maybe Chase can drop you off, hell, he's welcome to join us."

"I'd rather not," Jack said seriously, "I'll make my own way to yours then we can go on from there."

"Okay," Tony replied, somewhat reluctantly.

He threw some jeans on over his shorts and then a grey jumper over his tee before setting off. His wallet was in the drawer of his bedside table and he slipped it into the back pocket of his jeans. He took a few shaky steps without his crutches and found his jeans slipping down his waist so he grabbed a belt for those.

When he looked at himself in the mirror he was surprised to see himself looking… normal. Despite the crutches and a few small scars that weren't noticeable on his face unless you looked closely enough, he could pass off as somebody perfectly healthy who maybe broke his leg. The thought suddenly hit Jack, as he was slowly pulling his shoes on; he was a normal and almost healthy person, who was simply working with an injury to one of his limbs. People would never look at him and see a person who had been tortured and broken, they would just see a guy with a broken leg or foot.

The realisation made him feel more confident as he grabbed both crutches and made his way into the kitchen counter where a pad and pen were kept. Kim was out collecting Angela from her Grandma's, Chase was at work so Jack scribbled a note and pinned it on the fridge next to a photo of the three which made him smile slightly, taking him back to the days when he and Terri were young parents; but only for a moment, he wouldn't allow himself to dwell on his own mistakes for long.

He locked the house up behind himself and then slowly made his way down the road and he kept on going until he was able to hail a taxi. As he climbed in he felt nervous and vulnerable, almost exposed, but fifteen minutes later when he paid the taxi man and made his way up the steps to Tony's house Jack found himself smiling. He felt free, independent and confident. As he rang the bell Jack realised he was feeling good, and it was a feeling he didn't want to lose.


	17. Chapter 17

Tony was already sipping a beer when Jack arrived, he needed it to calm his nerves. He was cautious of saying the wrong thing to Jack, and even more so of not treating him like he normally would. Still, he smiled broadly and patted Jack on the shoulder as he let him in and then passed him a beer.

"You wanna order a pizza, or you wanna go to a bar?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders, part of him was still anxious of being out, surrounded by other people but part of him wanted to do it to get it over with. "I'm happy to do either," he said, then added quietly, "I've not been to a bar in a while."

Tony smiled, not allowing himself to feel sympathy or pity for Jack because he knew it wouldn't be welcome. Instead he playfully put his arm around the mans shoulder, ignoring the way he tensed at the contact and while eyeing the crutches asked, "you okay to drink and drive those things?"

Jack smirked and shook his head in amusement as he followed the man out of the house. He struggled to get down the stairs, Tony purposefully didn't offer his help and although Jack knew it was done purposefully, he still felt better for it when he reached the bottom and was on even land again.

The first couple of bars they went to were crowded and Jack clearly felt uneasy, worried about somebody bumping into him and just on edge by the many people they were surrounded with. When Tony suggested they find somewhere a little more quiet Jack agreed, eager to leave the busy almost chaotic atmosphere.

They sat opposite each other in a booth, they had a few drinks but weren't truly drunk, Jack not wanting to lose control and Tony wanting to be sober while Jack was. They talked about Michelle, Kim and Chase and then CTU.

"It's strange, being back," Tony admitted, "part of me doesn't want to be there but then logic tells me it's the smartest move the make."

"You just have to do what's best for you," Jack said, thinking back to how he had felt when he had first returned.

"What about you? Once everything's sorted do you think you would work for the government again?"

Jack faked a laugh and when he spoke his voice was bitter. "Do you really think they would let me back? No. They made the mistake of asking me back once, despite all my fuck ups. They wont make the same mistake twice."

Tony stared at him. "What fuck ups?"

"All of them. Never mind the mess with China."

"China wasn't your fault, you can't blame yourself for your kidnapping."

"No, but I was involved in the events which led to that."

Tony shook his head, about to disagree and Jack cut in, a tint of anger in his voice, "I signed a confession, Tony, how more involved in this mess could I be?"

Although his voce was clipped Tony could see that his friend wasn't getting worked up so he continued, "Heller signed a confession Jack, was that his fault?"

"No."

"What's the difference?"

"The difference is that Heller signed something condemning him for his own crimes. I didn't, instead I gave up somebody else, President Palmer for Christ's sake!"

"So?" Tony shrugged his shoulders, appearing that he was unconcerned. "All its cost him is a few months work and no harm done. I hope you aren't beating yourself up over something which didn't even have any repercussions."

"Its not just that," Jack said quietly, trying to make Tony understand, "its how it makes me feel. I gave him up, I feel like… I don't know…" he trailed off, shaking his head.

"Like a traitor?" Tony asked, adamant on finishing this conversation with his friend. "I was branded a traitor Jack, because of my actions. I actively disobeyed orders, caved in to Saunders demands, I even deceived you."

"You were forced," Jack said defensively.

"And so were you."

Jack looked up at him, the two locked eyes for a moment until Jack finally gave in with a short nod of his head before looking away. Tony hoped he had gotten through to him.


	18. Chapter 18

The following morning Jack called Tony, thanked him for the beers and the conversation which had given him more than he expected to think about. Tony didn't press, but he was hopeful that this meant that Jack was at least considering the words which were spoken as their evening had drawn to an end.

Jack _was_ thinking about his friends words, so much so that Sarah stopped the session later that afternoon half way through and, with her hands on her hips, curtly asked him why he was so pre-occupied.

"If I tell you what I'm thinking about, can you promise me it will stay between us?"

Sarah glanced at him curiously, "do you think I normally broadcast our conversations?"

"No," Jack said defensively, "I just want to… be sure."

"That you can trust me?"

"I do trust you," Jack said softly.

"Then why are you asking me this?"

"Because. It's still all messed up in my head, I don't want anybody to start trying to influence the direction in which my train of thought goes."

"Okay," Sarah said as she indicated for him to sit on the end of the bed. "Start talking," she instructed as she sat herself down on the window ledge, her feet resting against the small dresser as she made herself comfy.

"I'm not even sure what to say. Me and Tony went out last night…"

"Are you hung-over?" Sarah asked with a smile that she wasn't able to hide.

"No, I didn't overdo it, but, we talked and some things he said, things others have also said which I wouldn't allow myself to accept before, they started to make sense."

"What sort of things?"

"Comparisons between us. Things that had happened to him, which I didn't want to get him down, were slightly similar to the things that happened which have been holding me down recently. I feel like a hypocrite," he said, trying to make himself clearer, "when Tony got out of prison, I would get pissed with him for his self pity, his inability to see that he didn't deserve what happened, that he did the right thing. But then when my friends and family say this to me, I wont accept it."

"Do you think you are starting to accept it? Is this why you're so confused?"

Jack looked down at his hands for a moment as he tried to compose his thoughts. "I think so. I know what happened to me was beyond my control, I'm no longer blaming myself for the state I was in when I was brought home, there was nothing I could do about it."

"And the confession?"

Jack let out a deep breath, "I'm not sure. I'm beginning to realise that what I did, saved myself and my daughters life. I wouldn't willingly do anything to hurt my country, and from what I have heard so far, the damage ahs been well controlled. And, if I'm honest, I would do it again anyway to save Kim, I'd do anything for her."

"Don't you think that's why they brought her in?. So they could use her to get to you."

"Yes," Jack said with a sigh.

"Sounds to me like you're beginning to see through the fog that sometimes clouds your judgements regarding your actions."

"It's like I want to believe I did the right thing. Hell, I do believe that I made the right choice. I just… part of me still feels like a failure."

"Jack, its good that you realise that you had no control over the events you were dragged into. You couldn't help what happened, you're certainly not to blame."

"I agree, I think. I still seems so foreign, maybe that's why I'm still struggling to believe myself when I think about it."

"You have to come to terms with it. As you recover, get your life back on track and start living it you will realise that you're not at fault. It will take time," she said as she slid off the ledge, "most things do."

Jack was still looking down at his hands, wanting to feel completely reassured and still feeling slight doubts from the fact that he wasn't, but Sarah made me him feel better.

"You okay?" she asked, and he smiled slightly as he bobbed his head.

"I will be, eventually, if what you say is true."

"Don't you believe me?" she prodded, trying to get more out of him.

"I want to, I need to, I think you're right, its just going to take time. Its weird, to tell myself I'm not at fault, when its something I used to believe very strongly. Instead of feeling guilt, I think I'm getting angry, I don't know if that's good or bad."

"Trust me," she said, giving his shoulder a playful punch, "anger is definitely a good thing."


	19. Chapter 19

Over a week had passed since Sarah and Jack had last spoken about his thoughts on his guilt. Sarah didn't want to bring it up as he seemed to be doing better and other than asking Chase a few not so subtle questions it almost seemed as though he had overcome the topic and accepted that he was not at fault for his actions and that they were beyond his control.

Kim wasn't quite convinced though. Although she too had noticed how her fathers mood seemed to have lifted she still didn't trust that he had fully forgiven himself yet. There was so much he hadn't yet spoken about and she worried that the others would deem him "recovered" when he wasn't and then when other issues came to the surface he would hide away from them rather than talk to them about it.

They were waiting in a private hospital room for the results from the tests which had been ran on his foot. Progress had been made and Sarah persuaded Jack to take extra x-rays of his foot to make sure the bones had healed correctly before they started more intensive therapy on it. She was being cautious, and Jack appreciated this, knowing it was his best interests she had in mind so he complied with the tests, hoping this would mean they could start to do more, and he could start walking without the assistance of his crutches.

A young guy stuck his head through the doorway, tossed Sarah a file and then disappeared again. Sarah leafed through the papers and examined the x-rays before finally stacking the documents together neatly and sliding them back into the folder.

"Congratulations," she said, unable to hide her smile, "things are looking great, as good as they could be."

Jack grinned, unable to hide his relief. "That's excellent," he said, "no more crutches? No more tests-"

"Whoa," Sarah interrupted, laughing, "you still need the crutches until you get used to using a cane, and then nothing at all. You aren't getting rid of me that easily," she added, "we still have work to do."

"How'd it go?"

Chase was eager to hear the news, hoping Jack wasn't disappointed whilst trying to hide his own anxiousness in case it wasn't the good news they were all secretly hoping for.

"Good, everything's healing properly," he said, smiling a little again as Chase's face broke out in a relieved smile. "That's great," he said, not wanting to embarrass Jack with attention. Jack simply nodded his head, "you're right, it is."

"Listen," he said, shrugging his jacket from his shoulders as he tried to mask his unease, "Secretary Heller called earlier. He asked me to pass a message on to you, asking you to call him. Apparently he's in town and wants to meet with you."

"Okay," Jack said going a little quiet, "I better go return his call," he added, not knowing if he actually wanted to see the man, but he decided he had to, he owed him that much at least.

Heller wanted to meet with him immediately, but Jack was tired and admitted that he didn't feel up to his invitation for dinner in some swanky restaurant. Jack was slightly uneasy by Heller's determination and he tried to put it off, but the older man was adamant that he speak to Jack soon, and so Jack finally gave in and agreed for Heller to meet him at home the next day.

He was quiet all evening and retreated to his room. Kim tried to make him eat dinner with them, but he wouldn't have it, instead he laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling, wondering why he was dreading tomorrows meeting with a man he respected.

After dinner, while Chase was putting Angela to bed Kim entered her fathers room. She didn't bother to knock instead she practically barged in, hoping to get some reaction from him, but he just raised his eyebrows to question what she wanted from him.

"Can we talk?" Kim asked as she watched him sit up in bed with some effort.

"Sure, what about?"

"You."

"Oh," Jack said as his gaze turned to his hands, "what about me?"

"Dad," she said, "I'm worried about you. Everyone is acting like you are fine and I want to believe them but I daren't."

"I'm doing fine Kim."

"No, you're not, you wont even look me in the eyes."

Jack started to say something then stopped when they heard a childish giggle filter from downstairs.

"Let's sit in the garden," Kim said, "it's a nice night. I want to talk to you dad, a real conversation."

Jack shook his head, he was starting to feel irritated. "I thought we did just talk?"

"No dad, when people talk normally both participants contribute to the conversation."

Jack pushed the covers back and grabbed his crutches, not getting changed out of the tee and shorts he wore. "Fine," Jack said, trying not to be moody. "Lets sit in the garden and talk."

"Dad I don't wanna talk to you if you're gonna get angry."

"I'm not angry," Jack snapped, before pausing to try and calm himself down, telling himself that it wasn't Kim's fault he was in a bad mood. "What is it you want to talk about," he said as he made his way through the house to the patio doors which opened onto the green back yard.

Kim opened up the doors and led him outside before closing them again. Jack perched himself on one of the three steps which led down to the grass. Kim stood at the bottom and folded her arms defensively. "I want to talk to you about what happened in China."


	20. Chapter 20

Jack shifted down the step so he was sat on the grass before he made any voiced response to Kim's statement. Finally he looked up at her, "what about China?" he asked meekly, and Kim sighed heavily before sitting down cross legged on the garden so she was facing him.

"I was debriefed by Heller, I mean, if you want to I'm sure he could let you see it," Jack said, babbling slightly, not understanding why Kim would want to talk to him about what happened.

"I don't want to read your debrief dad," she snapped, "for God's sake are you that wrapped up in yourself you think this is what's bothering me! I wanted to talk to you about what happened," she paused, her emotions getting the better of her, "to us, _US_," she stressed, "do you know how much it hurts me when I see something that reminds me of what happened, what I saw, what they did to you?"

Jack was silent as he tried to stop his mind transporting him back to that terrible time.

"Chase tries to make me open up to him, but I can't dad. I can't tell him how scared I was, for myself as well as you. I can't describe to him how shocked I was, how sick I felt when I saw what they had done to you. I was terrified because I knew you were scared too dad, I didn't know what to think or do. I can't tell Chase, how I thought they were going to do to me what they did to you. I can't make somebody understand how I was more scared for what their hurting me would do to you, than I was for the pain myself. How can I make somebody understand what went through my head? How can anybody understand that dad? Nobody can!"

Jack felt tears sting his eyes as he moved over to his daughter and wrapped his arm around her. She clung to him as she tried to fight the tears and the strain and continue. "I don't want Chase to know what I went through dad, it will break his heart. He was devastated at the damage they inflicted on you, if he were to know how close I was, to…" She broke off again, sobs wracking her body. Jack held her and felt the guilt wash over him.

"I'm sorry Kim," he said, "I should have spoken to you about it. I had no idea how you felt, I just didn't want to bring it up, I didn't want to be reminded-"

"I didn't want to remind you dad," she said in a high pitched voice, "but I just can't forget."

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he felt her grasp him even tighter as though she could squeeze away her emotions.

Kim sniffed and pulled away from him to wipe her eyes and get control of herself. "Please," she said, "please don't feel bad. I didn't talk to you because I didn't want you to feel guilty for something that wasn't your fault." Jack nodded tensely. "I just wanted to get it out, because, I thought, I knew that you can understand."

"I understand," he said softly, "you shouldn't have had to go through that."

"Well I did," Kim said strongly, "and if I hadn't, you'd still be stuck their or you'd be dead. I'd do it again dad, knowing what would happen. I'd do it in a heartbeat."

Jack looked at her for a moment, almost struggling to understand what it was she was saying. "Do you understand what I'm saying dad? I don't regret anything."

"Okay," Jack said slowly.

"I don't want you to either, I don't want you to regret anything. Not your injuries, not the confession, not what I just told you. Promise me, dad, you wont feel guilty over this. You have nothing to regret, promise me you don't." she said near desperation.

Jack pulled her to him and kissed her gently on her forehead. "I promise you," he whispered, "thank you," he added softly, feeling better, feeling lighter, almost relieved as the two hugged each other into the night.


	21. Chapter 21

When Jack and Kim finally made their way back indoors it was late and although he felt as though a weight had been lifted, Jack was tired. As he retreated to his room he took the phone with him and called the number Sarah had left him which would get him through to Heller directly.

He wanted to change the plans they had made. He didn't want to do it at home. Kim and Chase's house was like a safe haven for him. As he admitted to himself that he didn't want Heller there, he realised that he didn't want to poison his safe space with the pain that inhabited the rest of the world.

He still wasn't up to going out in public either. With Tony, a drink in a bar had been fun but with Heller attention would be paid to them and Secret Service would be there too. Heller suggested they meet in his hotel room if Jack was that uncomfortable with going out and Jack, still reluctant, agreed. He knew he couldn't put this off, he had to see the man, had to talk to him about the things he tried not to think about, never mind voice, even to himself alone.

Chase gave him a ride to the hotel. Jack wanted to take a cab, but Heller was adamant that Secret Service take him. Jack flat out refused and so Chase decided to intervene with a compromise. Jack was quiet during the drive, wondering what Heller wanted to see him about to put off his own thoughts of what he wanted to speak to the man about.

Jack took the lift up to Heller's floor, and then made his way to the mans room, not making eye contact with any of the men on the floor who were their to protect Heller. They eyed him curiously as he passed them with his head down.

Heller greeted him warmly, enthusiastically shaking his hand before telling him how well he looked, and then making the general enquiries about his health and how his recovery was coming along.

"You seen Sarah today?" Heller asked as he sat himself down on the sofa. Jack shook his head as he sat down in an arm chair.

"Not today," he said softly, "didn't need it."

Heller nodded his head and waited for Jack to say something, but he said nothing. Heller opened his mouth to say something to fill the silence but he too, could think of nothing. The silence grew uncomfortable as Jack began to fidget and Heller finally spoke.

"How you doing Jack, I mean really, how you doing? I've been worried…"

Jack's forehead creased as he tried to compose an answer. Finally, he decided to go for it, tell the Secretary what he had come here to tell him. "I'm doing well, very well. But sir, there is something I would like to speak to you about," he said quietly, feeling like a schoolboy admitting his crimes to the headmaster.

"Okay," Heller said, "what is it?"

Jack took a deep breath. "Since I got back from China, I've been thinking about things. Lots of things. I've learnt to accept that I'm not at fault for what happened. That by signing the confession, I was simply protecting my daughter and nothing more."

Heller nodded his head again, "I'm glad you've accepted that Jack."

"But sir," Jack said, feeling slightly stressed, "I've also been thinking about everything that happened before I was taken. The things I did, to stop the terrorist attack."

Heller looked down for a moment as he tried to intervene but Jack continued. "What I did to Paul, and to Audrey, those things I am responsible for. Terrible things I did of my own free will-"

"Jack," Heller cut in, "those events were out of your control too."

"I had a choice!" Jack snapped, growing red in the face. "I had a choice!"

"The situation you were placed in left you with no choice, don't you see that?" Heller said, growing more stressed himself.

Jack dropped his head in his hands, struggling to order his thoughts. "I know, I had to do it, I had to stop Marwan," he said suddenly, "but, I shouldn't, I just-"

"You shouldn't have been placed in that position." Heller said softly, "and God forgive me, if it was me who had to choose, I hope that I would do the same."

"I killed an innocent man," Jack said quietly, "of my own accord, nobody made me do it."

"The circumstances made you do it," Heller interrupted, "and Paul, God bless his soul, would have been dead anyway, along with Audrey, yourself and everyone else in LA who would have been on the receiving end of Marwan's plans."

Jack nodded his head slightly, "its just not that simple," he said softly, "I know it was for the greater good, I accept that, but I can't forgive myself."

"Jack," Heller cut in, but Jack continued, preventing the Secretary from speaking.

"Neither," Jack said, keeping all emotion free from his voice, "neither can Audrey. She hates me, I know it, and I don't blame her."

"Audrey doesn't hate you," Heller said sadly, "she was devastated with Paul, and then, when she thought you were gone too, she couldn't handle it. She cares about you Jack."

Jack smirked, "sure she does. I bet she's sat somewhere wishing I was still in China. Lets face it," he added, "it's no more than I deserve."

"I thought you said you had accepted things? What I'm hearing sounds like self pity," Heller said bluntly.

Jack smiled slightly, knowing the man was trying to provoke him.

"I know my daughter Jack. I know, she was upset for Paul, and as angry as she was, she was furious with fate for putting you in that position. Maybe you two need to talk about this."

Jack smirked again, "she hasn't tried to talk to me since my return. I think that speaks volumes about how she things."

"Oh for God's sake Jack!" Heller said exasperated as he let his hand drop onto the armrest with a dull thud, "have you tried to call her? No!"

"How could I call her, the last thing I want to do is remind her of the pain I caused her. I imagine she's trying to move on, and I don't blame her."

"This goes two ways Jack, maybe she didn't call you, to save you this guilt you're putting on yourself for what happened to Paul."

Jack shook his head slowly, not knowing what to say. "And just for your information," Heller lectured, "Audrey's had a damn hard time with it, she hasn't just accepted the pain she was subjected to as easily as you implied. You of all people should understand how hard this has been for her." Heller stopped, realising he was sounding like a biased and overprotective father.

"How is she?" Jack asked quietly.

"She's in a clinic." He saw the worry on Jack's face and added, "she's not ill Jack. Well," he paused, "she isn't well either. She checked herself into someplace where she can get healthy again and get help with what happened."

Jack dropped his head into his hands again, thinking she was in their because of the pain he had caused. Heller saw this and gave him more information. "She had a hard time with the kidnapping, she was scared to go outside, paranoid, this coupled with the loss of Paul and yourself, it became too much for her. She's doing well though."

Jack smiled slightly, "good. She deserves to get on with her life. She shouldn't have to live in fear," he added as he thought back to the her and Heller's kidnapping.

Heller got up from his chair and stood by Jacks side. "And neither do you," he said as he patted the man on the arm.

Jack looked up at him, and nodded his head softly. "Thanks," he offered, not knowing what else to say.

"I'm glad you're getting better," Heller said, suddenly blunt again, his tone indicating their conversation was over. "You and Audrey aught to talk, I think it would do you both some good."

Jack nodded his head again and got to his feet, Heller escorted him to the door. As Jack headed out of the room Heller called after him. "I hope you believe me Jack, you don't deserve to live in pain or regret anymore than she does. Please think about that."

Jack turned back to glance at him and stared at him a moment before turning and hurrying away as best as he could with the crutches, the words imprinting themselves on his brain.


	22. Chapter 22

"I heard you met up with Heller last week," Sarah asked as she opened the window to let some air into the room.

"Who told you that?" Jack asked, suspicious, although he didn't know why he felt that way.

"Kim did," Sarah replied.

"Oh," Jack said, not knowing what else to say.

"How did it go?"

"What do you mean?" he said, sounding sharper than he intended to.

"I'm just making conversation," Sarah said defensively, "is that a crime?"

"No," Jack replied, bowing his head, "sorry."

"I'd prefer an explanation instead of an apology," she said, sitting herself down on a chair and folding her sleeves up.

Jack smirked, "we talked about things. He wants me to talk to Audrey."

"So you going to talk to her?"

"I don't know," Jack said, breathing heavily, "I mean, I don't want to make her feel any worse about the stuff that happened."

"What stuff?" Sarah asked.

"Lets just say that we parted on bad terms."

"How bad?"

"Very."

"You wanna expand on that, I'm a little in the dark here and I have no clue what you're talking about."

"It doesn't matter," Jack said softly, "I hurt her very badly. I don't want to walk back into her life after so long and reopen the wounds."

"How do you know the wounds have even closed yet? I mean, if you haven't seen each other since before you were taken, how do you know?"

Jack smiled softly, "I don't."

"Do you think that maybe, you ought to find out?"

"Maybe," Jack said, "I don't know. I might give Heller another call when I've thought some more abut it."

"Well until you do, lets get onto it. I ain't getting paid to talk to you all day. We can't have you on those things forever," she said, pointing to the crutches propped up against the wall.

Jack nodded his head and smiled, but their was still sadness and worry floating through his eyes as he did so. Sarah wasn't fooled, she didn't want to make things worse for him so she stayed quiet throughout the remainder of their session.

Four weeks later.

"Jack what are you doing?"

Jack looked down from the newspaper he was studying at the table to see Angela peering up at him. "I'm reading?"

"Okay," she said, "can I read with you?"

"Um… This is reading for grown ups, I don't know if you could read it," Jack said, struggling to think up a suitable answer.

"Can I read one of my books?"

Jack nodded his head, "of course you can."

She stood on her tip toes and looked at the paper Jack was reading. "That looks boring, my books have pictures, you can borrow one if you want."

"No thank you," Jack said, "I like reading the boring ones, but its very kind of you to offer," he added.

Angela looked at him strangely, "okay, then, but will you come upstairs with me to help me pick one?"

Jack nodded his head again, smiling more broadly, "sure he said," and he got up and grabbed the cain and leant on it lightly. As they reached the stairs Jack let go of Angela's hand and smiled at her cheekily, "I'll race you!"

Sarah's smile was infectious, though Jack had plenty of reason to smile without it. "How do you feel?"

Jack took another hesitant step, without the use of the cane he had been using of lately, one hand gently touching the wall for support as he kept his balance. "Good," he said, "it feels good."

"Great," Sarah said, before leading him back to the bed where he sat down, slightly disappointed. "But we don't want to overdo it at once, you still need the cane, we're just gonna have to reduce the dependency on it, as we did with the crutches until eventually you wont be needing it at all."

"What's the time frame?"

"I'd say another month, tops, and you'll be getting around just fine."

"That's excellent," Jack said as he leant over to massage the back of his knee slightly.

"Now, time to be honest Jack, did it hurt? Please don't lie to me…"

Jack smirked slightly, "a little. Just a little. A twinge at best."

"That's to be expected. The more you practice, the easier it will get."


	23. Chapter 23

Chase was surprised to see Jack up before him as he got ready to leave for work one morning. Sarah wasn't due today, Chase had noticed how they'd cut back on their time spent together as his recovery approached its end. "Hey," he said as his eyes caught the paper Jack was pouring over. "Still looking for a place?"

"Yeah," Jack said slowly, his eyes still locked on the paper, "there's a couple of places I wanna check out, think I'll be out of your way soon."

Chase dropped down next to him on the couch as he leant over to put his shoes on. "You know, you haven't been in our way. It's been nice, Kim's clearly enjoyed the time she's been able to spend with you."

"And so have I," Jack said as he circled a property with the biro in his hand, "but I can't stay here forever can I?"

"I guess not, no." Chase sad quietly.

"Look," Jack said, putting the paper down, "I don't want to sound ungrateful. I appreciate everything you and Kim have both done for me, I don't know where I'd be if you hadn't taken me in. I mean it Chase, you've been an enormous help, thank you."

Chase looked down at his hands shyly. "Don't mention it," he muttered modestly as he got up to pull his jacket on. "How about I come with you to check these places out?" Chase asked, "don't want you ending up in a dive," he added with a chuckle.

Jack nodded his head, "I'd like that Chase, thank you."

Later that afternoon Kim was surprised to answer the phone and be instructed to "hold for President Palmer." She wasn't nervous to speak to him, having seen him regularly when Jack returned from China, though she was slightly annoyed as she knew that her father had almost been expecting a call from the man yet it had taken him weeks to get around to it.

"Hello?" She said brightly, "this is Kim."

"Kim, its so nice to speak to you. Is Jack there?"

Kim paused for a moment, "that depends," she said bluntly.

"I see. May I ask what it depends on?"

"David," she said, dropping all formalities, "why haven't you contacted my dad sooner?"

A deep breath sounded down the line, "I've been very busy. It's no excuse but it's the truth."

"Busy sorting out the stuff with China?"

"Id be lying if I used that as an excuse. But that is partly what's been on the agenda, though I've had other matters to deal with as well."

"Ok, look - I don't want to be rude, but its just, my dads getting better, I don't want this to set him back…"

"I appreciate your concern and I will tread carefully," he said slowly, "it isn't my intention to hurt your father, but we do need to talk."

"Okay, hang on - I'll just get him for you."

Jack was surprised to take the call but he did feel relief that the man had called him, although he was also surprised to find himself nervous about why the former president was calling him. Palmer made small talk before launching into it, informing him that Jack was required to make a final written statement denouncing the signed confession that was in China's possession.

Palmer carefully explained why and Jack agreed to do so, knowing it would be the final nail in the coffin. Palmer made more general enquiries after Jack's health and his family before the call ended. Jack felt better, and was eager to make the final statement, knowing that once it was signed, his time in China would be forgotten and he could start again on an clean slate, a blank page, a fresh start.

He placed the phone back in the kitchen and found Kim seated looking anxious. "What did he want?" Kim asked, "is everything all right?"

"Don't worry," Jack said soothingly, "everything is fine. I have to make a final statement for the government, then its all over."

"Really?" Kim asked eagerly.

Jack nodded his head and smiled, feeling the relief seep through him once again. "Yeah, it really is over."

"That's wonderful," Kim replied getting up to hug him, "thank God for that," she said, and Jack smiled again not knowing what to say to express the differing emotions rumbling inside him releasing all worry from his subconscious. "Chase said you were still looking for a new place to live," she said as she sat back down. Jack pulled a chair out by her side and nodded his head before speaking carefully.

"I need to get my own place Kim, need to start living again."

"On your own?"

"Nothing wrong with that," Jack said quietly, "and I'll not be far away."

"Okay, but then, if you can move out are you going to go back to work?"

Jack sighed and looked down at the pine table. "I'm going to start looking for work, of course. I have to work."

"I know you do," Kim said sadly, "but where?"

"I don't know," Jack said honestly. "I'm going to see what is available to me within the government. It's a world I understand, a place where I belong," he explained, before pausing, "but I'm not going back into the field. Not now, it doesn't appeal to me anymore."

Kim felt her spirits lift. "Can you trust yourself to work in an environment where that option would be available to you?"

"I want the same environment," Jack said, "I'd just rather play a more passive role, behind the scenes if you like, I don't want the action."

"You sure," Kim prodded.

"Yes," Jack said with certainty. "After everything that's happened, that's just not the kind of life I want to return to, I want something more stable, something safe, I don't want to go through what I went through ever again."

"Good," Kim said, tapping him on his shoulder gently, "so you going to call Tony?"

Jacks head shot up, "Tony! No. Tony is a friend but I have no intention of returning to CTU again. I made contacts while working with Heller, those are the circles I want to move in again."

"A desk job."

Jack smiled, "yes, a desk job. After months on these crutches you have no idea how appealing a desk job is," he added laughing slightly, and Kim smiled too, believing his words to be true.

"I don't want you back in CTU," she admitted.

Jack nodded his head as he got up from his seat and made to leave, "to be honest with you Kim," he admitted, "I wouldn't wish CTU on anybody."


	24. Chapter 24

"Wow," Sarah said as she looked around at the large empty room, "I'm impressed, this place is bigger than I imagined it to be."

"Yeah," Jack said, shifting from one foot to the other, "its bigger than I need but it doesn't matter, its close to Kim's which is what I wanted the most."

"Few more weeks and you'll be able to walk the distance," Sarah said as Jack led her to the kitchen. "Don't you think its bare though?" She asked, unable to hide her thoughts.

Jack laughed slightly as he ran a hand through his hair tiredly, "I think its fine. But Kim has already made me promise to let her put some stuff up to make it look…"

"More homely?"

"Yeah, I guess, though I'm not really fussed." Sarah smirked and shook her head at him in disbelief.

"If this is going to be your home for the next twelve months minimum I'd start learning how to fuss," she said, before muttering quietly, "men."

"What about them?" Jack asked, trying to provoke her.

"Nothing," she said, "come on, lets get going, I'll drop you off at Kim's on my way home. I like the place through, when you moving in?"

"Tomorrow."

"Have you started packing yet?"

Jack shook his head as he flipped the lights off and followed her out. "I can do that tonight, I'm sure it wont take long."

Sarah smirked again as she waited in the car for him to lock the door, "rather you than me," she whispered to herself.

She pulled up to the pavement by Kim's and rolled the car to a stop. Jack smiled at her before getting out, trying to think of something to say. Sarah spoke, trying to ease the tension, "so, I'll see you around right?"

"I'm sure you will," he said softly, "thank you Sarah, you've helped me a lot."

"You're welcome," she said as she stared straight ahead, "it will be strange, not seeing your ugly mug each and every day!"

Jack laughed before adding, "keep in touch," and before he could continue Sarah interrupted him, "You just be careful Bauer, I know where you live."

Jack smirked again, appreciating her humour, making the parting easier, he had grown attached to her throughout his recovery and he sensed she felt the same way.

"See you," he said, before leaning over in the car and kissing her on the cheek before getting out and walking back to the house, his pace slow though he didn't look back once. Sarah watched him go inside before starting the car up again, a sad smile on her face as she drove away to her sisters home once more.

Late afternoon the following day Chase helped Jack move his boxed up belongings into the new apartment. Jack was surprised with how much stuff he had although his possessions didn't fill the place, which pleased Kim, who had more room to work to make the place look "pretty," or alternatively "lived in" as she put it.

When they left Jack sat down in the living room looking out through the window in silence, wondering how he was supposed to feel. Free? Changed? Better? He felt just the same, and although he missed the company his family had provided him with throughout the previous months he also liked the quiet and the solitude, he didn't have to worry about anything because their was only himself to worry about for now.

He picked up the phone and called Heller, who was surprised to hear from him, but pleased to grant his request of Audrey's cell number after Jack enquired after her health, and answered the mans questions about his own.

"Has she asked about me, since she returned home?"

Heller was silent a moment as he hesitated to answer. The pause told Jack enough, and gave him time to prepare himself for the mans response.

"Not yet Jack, she's just getting back into a routine, getting used to life again."

Before the call had ended Heller made Jack promise to meet him for lunch where the two could discuss Jacks employment opportunities. Jack was uncomfortable with getting help from the Secretary of Defence but Heller was sincere and so Jack accepted, knowing it would help him speed things up and that to refuse the help would be hurting himself as well as Heller.

When Jack ended the call he held the small scrap of paper he had jotted Audrey's number down on in his hands and stared up at the ceiling for a while before finally making the call. It was awkward at first.

"Audrey Raines."

"Audrey its Jack."

"Jack? Oh, God, I didn't expect to hear from you."

"I'm sorry for calling I just-"

"It's okay," she interrupted, before the two lapsed into silence.

"Can we meet," Jack finally asked, "I'd like to talk to you, face to face," he added, and then waited nervously for Audrey's answer.

"Sure," she said, "I think that would be a good idea."

They made arrangements to go out for lunch the following day, the only time Audrey had free before she left for Washington with her father at the end of the week.

Audrey smiled nervously as Jack approached her and hugged her lightly. He was surprised and saddened to feel the tenseness in her shoulders, it almost matched the stiffness of his own actions.

"How are you?" He asked as they seated themselves in a small restaurant which had the lights dimmed even though it was early in the afternoon.

"I'm good. You look well," Audrey added as she studied him, "when you were taken, I thought… I guess I thought you…"

"It doesn't matter," Jack said, "I'm back and I am fine."

"Are you?"

Jack nodded his head, not wanting to repeat himself. "How about you?"

"I'm doing better as well, just getting on with things."

"Audrey," Jack cut in, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. How things were left between us, what I did to Paul…"

He noticed how she flinched at the mention of Paul and felt his stomach twist with rejection.

"I don't blame you," she said meekly, "I thought about it too. I regretted the way I treated you, for what you did, I didn't think I'd get the chance to tell you how sorry I was."

"You did nothing wrong," Jack said.

"And neither did you," Audrey continued, "even though I had trouble accepting that during the event, now I understand."

Jack nodded his head, uncomfortable with the silence but unable to fill it. Audrey looked down at her hands as though waiting for him to say something.

"There's nothing left between us, is there?" He said shakily, feeling nothing as he voiced his thoughts.

Audrey shook his head slowly and Jack nodded his in response.

"You going back to Washington?"

"Yes, I'm going to concentrate on my career," she said.

"I hope it goes well for you," he said, and suddenly the two knew the conversation was over.

Jack pulled her chair out for her and the two left before ordering anything. Jack walked her to her car and lingered their as Audrey rummaged through her bag for the keys. Finally she found them and looked up at him, smiling softly, "be careful Jack," she said as she touched his cheek before opening up the car door. Jack stepped back to give her space to get in but didn't reply, their was nothing left to say, and nothing left to feel as he watched her car drive away into the traffic.

As he hailed a cab Jack was surprised to find his mind free of thoughts of Audrey. She wanted to focus on her career, he wished her luck, knowing that was no longer the life for him.

When he got home he flipped open his cell and searched through the contacts until he found her name. He pressed the call button feeling butterflies he had not noticed before begin to flutter in his stomach as he tried to think of what to say.

"Hey stranger," Sarah answered, "missing me already?" she joked.

"Yes," Jack said gruffly, "listen, can I take you out to dinner sometime?"

Sarah paused a moment, "as in two friends going out to eat?"

"I was thinking… I mean, I was hoping it could be like as a date," Jack stammered, feeling his cheeks redden.

"Okay," Sarah said, "that would be nice."

"Really?" Jack asked in disbelief.

"Really," Sarah laughed, "I thought you'd never ask."

The End


End file.
